I recently read that, according to a survey, 67% of the males in a relationship admitted that they will intentionally do a poor job at a chore when they are asked to do so by their mates.
I get this on one level. When we don’t want to do something, doing poorly at it ups our chances that we won’t be asked to do it again (you know, if you want something done right, do it yourself!). That may be successful once or twice in childhood.
But that an adult – adult male to be exact – would choose to do a poor job rather than communicate about not wanting to do what’s asked seems immature! By the time we’re adults, we should have learned that sometimes we have to do things we don’t enjoy doing! I mean, the snow needs shoveled when it falls, despite how we feel about the task. Same goes for cutting the grass. And honestly, I’ve never heard a female say that she adores doing laundry, but it still has to be done.
I suspect the percentage may be higher than the survey results show. Even in an anonymous survey, some of us have trouble answering truthfully when we’re ashamed of our answer. Having said that, the fact that two-thirds of the males surveyed said they do this is a bit astonishing to me!
Then again, on behalf of the adult males, they don’t ever really ask us to do a chore for them. The few manly chores they are usually in charge of doing (shoveling snow, mowing grass, washing cars, taking out trash) is nothing compared to the daily running of a household, which usually falls to a woman. They are smart not to ask for help!
For several years, I shared an apartment with a male roommate. We’d designated specific chores that each would do… each was responsible for their own bedroom and bathroom, he would do the dusting in the living and dining room and I would do the vacuuming there, and while each was responsible for their own dirty dishes, I would be responsible for cleaning the kitchen and he would take out the trash. While it was an amiable and pleasant co-habitation over all, I became aware that he had ‘tunnel vision’ when it came to household chores. We had a stacked laundry in a corner of our kitchen, and there were countless times I would pick up a piece or two of lint that had fallen to the floor in the course of him doing his laundry. Our complex practiced recycling, and I had to tape a list on the recycling container what could be recycled. He got better at it, but I’d still find the occasional item in the wrong bin and have to dig it out and place it in the correct bin. And the only way the overflowing trash bag and recycled items went out was if I pulled the bags, tied them shut and sat them by the steps to be taken out.
Oh, I could bi*ch about more, but I only wanted to make a point. (Except that he NEVER dusted in the entire 5 years!)
I do know adult males who are self-sufficient and able to take care of a household. True, they all happen to be bachelors, but along the way they learned that household chores didn’t kill them!
Mostly though, I’m just surprised that men have this behavior of doing something poorly because they don’t want to do it. I can’t help but wonder if they behave the same way in other aspects of their lives…. like at work?
Ramblings and Ruminations 