My Mixer family seems to want to continue to provide my muse with things I need to say and share. Thank you again, Will, for the tidbit of conversation that started this train.
I’ve always been a trusting soul. I trusted my parents, people in my church, teachers and authority leaders at school, etc. Some of that was, I suppose, ingrained trust, and some was more or less expected. Because I choose to present my authenticity, I suppose I expect that each person I encounter is doing the same. I have some Anne Frank naivete in me that, “In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death.”
So, in every relationship I enter, I go in with that trust. It goes along with the judicial system’s idea that “everyone is innocent until proven guilty.” I have been fortunate in that the amount of “good people” I’ve encountered have far outweighed the amount of bad. But I’ve encountered them as well.
I have been, because of a dating website, a person who has had two attempts by two different cat fishers. Fortunately, I recognized immediately that a request for help in any financial way was a RED flag. In each situation, it was money to help pay specific living expenses and in each, I was smart enough to say I would help but wanted to pay it to the debtor directly. That allowed me to confirm the scam when excuses were offered why that wouldn’t work and the money should go directly to the person asking.
So, did I trust too much? I feel like I did. I let sweet compliments and a lot of attention to me blind me because it “felt good”. Being a wallflower (see previous post about being a wallflower) made me a perfect victim for all of that attention.
My friend, Will, on the other hand, thinks that we should always go in with trust, blind as it may be and no matter what. I still do that, I suppose, still give the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. But I’m also aware of the voice in my head telling me to pay special attention for those red flags. And when that happens again – and it has – I begin to wonder if I’ve got a neon sign on my forehead that says, “Born Sucker Here”.
When I’m interested in someone, I am willing to devote 99% of my focus and attention on that person… in fact, I go out of my way to let my focus and attention show. I want to show, not just say, “I’m in this.” I will choose to continue doing that because I want that relationship to grow and develop. But again, there is always that little voice in my head warning me, and means I don’t really relax in that growth until it has shown growth on both parts. And I’m certain, because of my empath strengths and compassionate heart, that my trust is going to be broken many more times.
So, while I think that I DO trust too much, I am not willing to give up on my path of weeding my way towards people with whom that path is agreeable to both. To do less would be unauthentic to me. It’s tiring work sometimes, all that weeding, but it only serves to make me want to do it more.
I’d really like to know my readers’ thoughts on this? Do you trust too much? Do you think it IS possible to trust too much?