Victim? Or Volunteer?

In my early adulthood, I was an avid fan of Montel Williams’ talk show. (Yes, that shows my age. And if you don’t know who Montel Williams is, google him!) I liked the way he presented himself as very compassionate yet unwilling to take excuses from people for their behavior. He was a lot like Dr. Phil is today, though I think Dr. Phil can be a little too terse and impatient with some of this guests.

Anyhow, one day when I was watching Montel’s show, he was interviewing women who were currently in abusive relationships. He allowed each to tell a little bit of detail about their relationships and gave them the opportunity to share their excuses why they hadn’t left – or kept going back. They all told their stories as the victim – but for whatever reason they stayed or went back.

After a break, Montel opened up to comments from the audience. One woman stood up and said, “When something bad happens to you, you are a victim. But when you go back time and again knowing that the same thing is going to happen to you time and again, you are not a victim. You are a volunteer.” That statement hit me right in the face. Not for any personal reasons, but simply hearing those words made me stop, think and then consider how much of my sympathy these women truly deserved… and more so if they had managed to actually get away and then chose to go back!

We all stay in relationships that are unhealthy for us on a variety of levels. I’ve been guilty of that with some of the people in my life. Many of us stay because the relationship is a matter of convenience or because ‘the devil that we know is better than the devil that we don’t know’. Men who are still in the prime of sexual desire and need will often have a woman in their lives whom they tolerate in return for that need getting met. She may have no other desirable qualities, but that need gets met. Women will often have a man in her life with whom she has sex because he is emotionally present, attentive and cares for her – at least during the times they are having sex. Both get their basic needs met, but neither can say the relationship brings joy to their lives as a whole.

If you choose to be in that kind of relationship – one of convenience – then you, too, are not a victim but a volunteer. I know several different people in my life who are in relationships of convenience, and that’s their choice, but why do they think they have the right to grumble and moan about it to other people? If, for example, her emotional vomiting whenever you get together bothers you, then stop getting together! Pull up your big boy pants and spend the effort and energy to find someone else! And if, for example, he’s super-present and emotionally supportive when you’re together, but unless you’re together for sex, he doesn’t have time for you, pull up your big girl panties and spend the effort and energy to find someone who will!

So, if you stay in a relationship that is abusive or simply lacks satisfaction and do nothing about it, again, that’s your choice and your right to choose. What you don’t have a right to is playing the victim card!

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.

Triggers

Yep, triggers. We’ve all got them – those things that you see or hear that make you roll your eyes, shake your head in disdain, maybe get a little angry. As a voluntary member of both the grammar and punctuation ‘police’, I get triggered – a lot! Fortunately, those errors are so common nowadays that they do little more than make me roll my eyes or shake my head.

But there are a few things that tend to raise my emotions to include a bit of anger. I thought I’d share a few of mine with you, and encourage you to share yours with me.

Okay, I am seriously triggered by shopping carts left in store parking lots. I’m even more seriously triggered when they are left in parking spaces that prohibit a vehicle from using those spaces. Seriously, are people so lazy that they can walk from the parking lot to the store, stroll around the store, steer their cart full of assorted purchases to their car, unload them into the car, but don’t have the energy to return the empty cart to a cart bin or the front of the store? And, as much as I hate to say this, shoppers with handicapped placards are sometimes the worst! Listen, I’ve got one of those placards. I try not to use it unless it is pouring down rain or the only empty parking place besides a handicapped space seems like it’s in Timbucktoo. I have some hip issues that sometimes make it painful to walk, as well as times that it causes me a sense of imbalance. But the same idea applies – a handicapped person is obviously capable of walking into the store, shopping the store, exiting to the parking lot and unloading into their cars. Many folks will agree with this trigger because of the damage a loose cart ramming into a parked car can create. Me, I just think it is incredibly rude as well as lazy.

I cringe whenever I hear the word “axe” used incorrectly. We all know what an axe is, right? That tool that is used primarily to cut down trees or cut lumber into smaller pieces. So why do some people always want to “axe” me a question? Granted, this misuse is prominent in some cultures more than others. But it tends to irritate me and make me want to stop what I’m doing and give the person a lesson in pronunciation.

Drama queens and attention seeking posts on social media make me crazy. And although I’m sure there is a drama king or two out there, this is primarily done by females. Okay, I get it – your significant other cheated on you. Yes, it hurts like hell and makes you question what you lack to keep him (or her) from needing to cheat. And yes, you have every right to express your anger in an appropriate way. But when I see, for the fifth or sixth time, what an a**hole he is followed by how much you love him and want him back, well, that’s on you. I mean, if you want to be with an a**hole for the rest of your life, then face what the consequences of that choice will be and accept that you have no right to be angry, since it IS a choice. Oh, and then there are the posts that say something like, “I’m totally pissed off right now!” That’s it – that is the sum of the post. There is no reason why or tale of what happened. It’s so obvious to me that these people are craving attention from their social media ‘friends’ and so they create a reason to get them to rally ’round and show they care.

People who make judgements without knowing all the facts trigger me. I explained why that’s a bad idea in my blog article, “Is it what it is?” We tend to do that a lot as we see other people living out their lives as they choose. I tend, for example, to get a little testy in a restaurant when children nearby are behaving poorly and/or loudly and their parents (guardians) are ignoring it. On a deeper level, if we take the time to think about it, bad behavior is often a child’s way to get attention, probably much-needed attention, from the adults. Maybe the adults are just dog-tired after a long day and don’t have the energy to deal with the kids at the moment. Maybe their house was just destroyed by a fire and they are living out of a hotel, so eating out as a family is the only option to getting their kids fed. Probably not, but wouldn’t knowing those circumstances change our sense of judgement?

Traffic swervers and tailgaters make me vent my anger out loud (in the safety of my car, of course!). And I’ll admit that I do, on occasion, get spiteful with a tailgater by speeding up to pass the vehicle on my right before he/she can get in front of me, then deliberately slowing down while I pass that vehicle, forcing the tailgater to slow down. Swervers – people who jut in and out of lanes just to get one car length further ahead – make me nervous. A traffic accident caused by this action is going to not only slow down that driver, but the rest of us as well! How rude!

I’m sure I could keep going on this list, and as times change, new triggers could be added. I’ve got teeth marks on my tongue from the many times I’ve had to bite it to keep from saying something mean-spirited. It’s hard work remembering that everyone has a right to be who they are and act as they please and I have to also look at the situation and tell myself that, unless it could cause harm to themselves or others, it’s really none of my business.

So tell me – what triggers you and how do you handle it?

Friday’s 5 Takeaways – 5/24/19

Since last we met here, I have taken the plunge into believing that, although we never really had a spring season, summer is definitely on its way!

#1 – Now that I’m ready to believe that, I finally put away all of my cool weather coats and jackets this week. I’d put away my really heavy winter coat back in early April, but only in this past week or so am I willing to believe I no longer need the jackets as well.

#2 – In celebration of the approaching summer, I spent several hours cleaning all of my porch furniture, hanging plants on hooks and sweeping away the debris of late fall and winter. I’ve been able to enjoy a cup of coffee (usually some or all of my 3rd cup) on the porch, once full daylight has just settled in, and just vegetate while watching traffic and people starting off their day. Mine is the only one of six apartments that has this outdoor space, and because of it, I chose this apartment over another available apartment that had a kitchen at least twice as big as mine.

#3 – Living alone, my place doesn’t really get dirty, except for dust and road dirt coming in that I can’t control. Nonetheless, just like I did last month in the days before visiting my brother a month ago, I cleaned the entire place. There is this idea in my head that, if something should happen to me while I’m away, I don’t want whomever has to enter here on my behalf (even though it would most likely be my brother or my bestie) should find things looking sloppy.

#4 – I could write oodles about the success of my visit with my brother this week. It was, as always, an awesome time filled with hours of conversation. As a fellow blogger (also my inspiration and mentor when it comes to my blog), we’d be chatting and often, one or the other of us would stop and say, “Oh, that could be a future blog post!” It’s fun to have that in common together! Of course, now if he writes about any of them (he jotted down a few of the topics), I’ll get to take credit in the comments of helping spark the idea!

#5 – I had a planned opportunity this week to “pay it forward” and it was successful. Along with it, however, I had an unplanned opportunity to “pay it forward” to someone else, which was also successful. There is so much joy in giving!

Have a safe and happy Memorial Day, everyone! To those of you who served to protect this country and its freedoms, thank you! You are the reason we celebrate!

When is YOUR special occasion?

I believe that both my male and female readers will be nodding their heads as they read through this post. The males will nod, thinking, “I know someone who does that.” The females will nod, thinking, “That’s me, and that’s me and that’s me, too.”

Let me paint a scenario to start:

A man receives, as a gift, the new and improved screwdriver kit he’s been talking about wanting to get. Within 48 hours of receiving that gift, he will be looking around for anything that might be loose so that he can get out one of his new screwdrivers and tighten it. He will tell his buddies about it, maybe even show it off.

A woman receives, as a gift, a beautiful pendant necklace, studded with diamonds and perhaps other precious gems she likes. Within 72 hours, after she’s looked at it many times, she will find a special and safe place for it, knowing that it’s valuable and not wanting anything to happen to it. In her mind, its beauty and value make it something to save for a “special occasion”.

For women, this is true about a lot of the belongings we cherish – a favorite scented candle, a bottle of favorite perfume, a frilly set of lingerie. In our minds, we don’t want to burn the candle or use the perfume because then it will be gone, and we believe that frilly lingerie is only for the most special and intimate occasions.

Okay, I’m 62 years old. I’m single and neither looking for or expecting for a special occasion for frilly lingerie. My favorite scented candle is only available in the springtime (blue hyacinth) and perfume tends to absorb into my pores after I’ve applied it. I don’t want to waste the (somewhat expensive) perfume, or burn the candle and then have to wait until the scent is available again. So they sit, on my dresser or on a shelf…. That was, they did, until I read the book Annie Freeman’s Fabulous Traveling Funeral , written by Kris Radish. I won’t spoil the story for anyone, but as a teaser, I will tell you that I no longer save my one black bra for a ‘special occasion’. I wear my perfume, but I do it because I like the scent – in other words, I do it for me. I burn the candle because the scent is so aromatic and relaxing to me, and I know I will eventually be able to get another one.

Why do we women not think that our lives themselves – even in the myriad of the daily grind – aren’t a special occasion? In a heartbeat, we’d spritz on that perfume so that someone else can smell it on us, but why not merely so we can smell it on us? And, for further contemplation, what if we save all of these things and NEVER have another special occasion worthy of them?

Trust me, that man in my scenario is going to use those screwdrivers every chance he gets! Yes, he’ll be careful with them, and moan (and maybe cuss) if one gets broken or lost, but he sees the joy in using the gift, not just looking at it and hoping a special occasion comes for him to use them. He will use them, and he will use them because it makes him feel good!

Why shouldn’t we women deserve the same?

Back to the beginning…

When I first decided to start a blog, my intent was to share my love of words. I’d found some old writings in which I’d waxed poetically about words – what they mean to others, what they mean to me. My very first published blog article was about just that. And then, I drifted. Not intentionally, but it happened nonetheless. Posts since then have been about a myriad of subjects, and I’m happy to have written them. But reading another’s blog – someone who also attaches a great deal to the use of words – reminded me that I need to keep my focus now and then, so that I can share the power that words have over me. And so, this will be another blog post about words and writing…

Though those of you who know me realize I am seldom at a loss for words; when I let my brain ramble and roam, it’s a different matter. It seems so unusual for me, who lives and breathes by words spoken and written, to be at such a loss. Is it this that compels my need to write, to have to see the black and white in order to find words for what is lost? Why do I need to write, to put words to paper? If the words are not seen, do the ideas then cease to exist? In a way, it’s mental masturbation – thoughts are ephemeral and spirits that have no mass – if words are not expressed for another, then of what use do they serve? Do I need to say and to write in order to be? I only know that I need to write in order to maintain what little sanity exists within me….

Too often I find myself using, perhaps abusing, words – trying to create or instill in another a concept of rationalization of what I see in my heart’s eye – perhaps needing to share that what is inside me far exceeds the pinpoints I used to describe the life that I have and the life that I have had. Sometimes, my thoughts are a reflective journey of dreams unrealized, at least not yet – but the dream still exists, a pantomime that exists with the hope of being fulfilled.

Too many times it’s been difficult to look in the mirror and face myself and realize, not for the first time, the compromises made for my life which were at one time debated internally and anguished about – but by indecisiveness, lack of focus and/or energy or simply fear, I’ve succumbed to these compromises. Checkbooks, day planners and the needs of others were what dictated what was possible and which dreams were capable of being captured. At some point in our lives, we reach the age – or better clarified, mental state – at which the physical sense of safety and the acceptance of only satisfactory fulfillment begin to override our desire for the dreams we thought were capable of being captured. We attempt to convince ourselves and others near and dear to us that we have actively pursued and achieved many of our goals. But were they every really our goals, or were they more the goals of what society expects when we reach the stage of adulthood?

Nonetheless, we chose these goals – primal urges satisfied if not satiated – and routine sets in… the same grocery store to be shopped in, a new car every five years, make love to one’s significant other every Saturday night at 10 PM, wear the same clothes from the closet time and time again… so engrossed in the day that the week is displaced. Holidays become a matter of work rather than enjoyment – a chance to show off one’s hosting skills with a perfectly set dining table and a well-stocked bar. Other pleasures once so fervently sought become nothing but leisure thoughts of the more we wish we had done. Meanwhile, time has been parceled out by weather reports and the daily news and each of us pays master to taking care of the necessities with no consideration or exception… How sad that we so easily fall into this luckless state that we once thought was the development of our dreams – so vivid and appealing in our imaginations but so matter-of-fact and lack-luster in our real lives.

And every once in a while, in the few moments to spare waiting at a traffic light, we ponder the state of personal pursuit of happiness – afraid to admit we’re unhappy, understanding that complacency is valid as the end equation of compromises made along the way. And no matter how much or how little time we spend trying to think of different mathematics to arrive at the final answer, in the end, we are still going to die and everything is going to be just as we leave it.

But still, we choose to transcribe our thoughts into words – to provide another a tangible expression of the spirit within us. How do I explain to someone else the wonder I see when a rainbow mysteriously appears and the clouds become a colorful dance in its reflection? How do I explain the smile another has brought to my lips unknowingly, even unintentionally? Or explain the immediate physical impulse the presence of cherished one whose whole demeaner quickens my breath? In intimate moments, how do I reflect, other than with words, how each sensation experienced fuses into a whole, yet each sensation is complete within itself?

Friday’s 5 Takeaways – 5/17/19

So, another week has gone by and it’s time to review the exciting – and not-so-exciting – events of this week.

My bestie and I got together as planned for lunch and a movie. We’d decided to see “Poms”. The reviews were mixed, more negative than positive. From them, as well as the trailers I’d seen, I was expecting a cute, quirky – at times, perhaps even dorky – light-hearted movie. It was all that, but much more. I won’t spoil it in case you plan to see it, but I will tell you that I will never look at a single firework’s eruption against a blue-black sky in the same way again.
I’m starting to get really excited that I’m going to be spending some time with my brother next week! We only live 2 hours apart, but we don’t see each other that often. There are two things I especially like about visiting him: I like to cook and he likes to eat, so I always get to spoil him with homemade goodies for his freezer, and, we talk for hours – about anything and everything – and we never seem to run out of things to talk about. No fancy hotel, no special attractions to be seen, but a wonderful stay-cation for sure!
I was listening to a short podcast this week and there was a “AHA” sentence that made me scurry for paper and pen to jot it down. The sentence was, “Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any better.” I quickly read what I wrote and came up with this sentence to follow: “And worrying about tomorrow won’t make today any better, either.” I’m guilty of both, though to a much lesser degree than I used to be. I’m going to type it up and give copies to people I know need it as well. One copy will be for me, to put in a conspicuous place so I keep re-reading it. I LOVE light-bulb moments like that!
Although I know my readers will find it difficult to believe that I’m opinionated (hey, no snickering, please!), I got my first $25 gift card for points awarded from taking on-line surveys. I offer my opinions on three different sites, and while I often don’t “qualify” for surveys based on any number of things, I still enjoy giving my opinions about products, and it’s nice to be rewarded!
I’m headed out shortly for my mani/pedi. For those who don’t know this about me, I was an avid nail-biter until my early 40s (my mom used to say I didn’t suck my thumb, I just waited until I had teeth and started biting my nails!). When acrylics became a thing, I wore them for about 2 years, which finally helped me break that habit for good. My reward is to keep my nails professionally done now, without acrylics. I’m planning a patriotic theme this time, to coincide with the upcoming holiday.

So that’s where this week stands. I have no doubt that, after sharing our adventures (misadventures?) next week with the visit to my brother, there will be more posts fueled and fed by our conversations.!

A Conundum about Truth

My mind is still ruminating around the idea previously written concerning truth versus whole truth and how many things are shades of gray.

If you have ever given a deposition, either as a witness or as a named party, in any type of legal proceeding, signed an affidavit, or testified at a trial or hearing, before you spoke, you were sworn by oath to “tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God”, or something to that effect. The oath is a solemn declaration and, if not followed, can result in legal liability for the person testifying. Depending on whether the legal proceedings are in a federal or state court (laws vary), the person testifying may be fined, imprisoned or both for not following the oath.

When being prepped for the witness stand, you will be reminded by the counsel for whose side you are testifying to answer the questions without embellishment. And then you take an oath that you will tell the whole truth. You answer your counsel’s questions, which have been discussed during your preparation, so that you know what answers are expected and can answer them without adding additional information. Then the opposing counsel gets to ask you another set of questions, for which you have not been prepared. If you go beyond a simple answer and the information could be damning to their side of the trial, then that counsel will cut you off and ask you to just answer the question, often repeating it so that they can get the simple “yes” or “no” answer they want on record.

So, you take an oath to tell the truth, the WHOLE truth, and nothing but the truth, and counsel on both sides get to encourage you either during trial preparation or by cutting you off while you’re on the witness stand so that you don’t have a chance to do so. Is that the whole truth you’ve vowed to tell when you responded to the oath? I mean, there are seldom black and white answers to why we take the actions we take in a crisis situation. The moment you answer and include the word “but”, you will be cut off by opposing counsel. Does that mean that opposing counsel does not want the whole truth of those moments known to the jury? Quite possibly.

A crime doesn’t happen inside a bubble. It happens in real life moment in a real life world. Often there are extenuating circumstances in those moments that cause the perpetrator to act in a fashion not planned in the original intent and idea of committing the crime. Weapons meant only to instill fear get used by reflex. Others, be they victims or abettors in the crime, will react in a way unknown until the event unfolds, causing other reactions to occur.

But my point is more about being sworn to tell the WHOLE truth and then not being permitted to do so. Does that mean that sometimes justice turns out not to be fair? And how does a witness accept that they have not told the whole truth that they have sworn to tell?

A conundrum, for certain….

Hacks from my Happy Place

Some of my readers already know this about me, but some of you are just finding it out with this blog post. My kitchen is my happy place. It’s not big, fancy or updated, but when I’m there, pots bubbling away, stirring, adding additional ingredients, tasting and occasionally trying new ways with old recipes, I am happy and totally in-the-moment. No, I’m not any kind of fancy chef; I was blessed to get to spend time in my grandma’s kitchen with her. Grandma was PA Dutch (the German influence is obvious in her maiden name, which was Nonemaker) and she had a strict budget for groceries which forced her to stretch things like meats as far as she could. A roast chicken for Sunday dinner after church became things like chicken and waffles, chicken salad and, when most of the meat was gone, the bones were boiled and picked and used to make a big batch of chicken pot pie. (Sidenote: my grandpa shot rabbits and squirrels for extra meat, so the chances were that one or the other – or both – were added with the leftover scrimpy pieces of chicken in this pot.)

Many of my family and friends have enjoyed my cooking. Okay, so only a vegetarian would not enjoy meat and potatoes, right? When my ‘sista from another mista’ found out I was starting a blog, the first thing she asked was if it would include recipes.

In thinking about that, I realized that I was going to have to come clean about the fact that most of the things I’ve learned to make have been easy, not requiring a complex recipe with a large list of sometimes uncommon ingredients. And with the entrance of a crock pot being a necessary appliance in a cook’s kitchen, things got even easier.

I’m going to save the idea of ‘recipes’ for now, however, and share some of my easy-breezy anybody-could-do-it hacks to make cooking easier and to help make store-bought items into ‘homemade’ meals.

Tomato paste: Although I’ve seen numerous cooking shows where the tomato paste is squeezed from a tube, I know from checking that, if you CAN find it in your local grocery store, it is extremely little in ounces for an extremely lot in price. So that leaves us the cans. Anyone who has used a can of tomato paste knows how difficult it can be to scrape every last drop from a can because the product is so thick. Here is an easy hack for you — open the top of the can completely. Set the lid to the side. Now, turn the can over and open the bottom lid completely as well. Don’t worry, the paste is not going to run out of the can once you turn it upside down! Leave the second lid on the bottom of the can, then hold the can over where you want to empty the tomato paste into. Gently push the lid on top down and the tomato paste will, as a whole, slide down until it’s free from the can. Carefully remove the lid at the top, scraping off any excess paste stuck to it with a utensil and into your pan/bowl/etc. You will be surprised at how clean the interior of the can is with no effort! Rinse the can and lids and drop in your recycle bin. Easy!

“Homemade” spaghetti sauce: Remember that tomato paste? Add it to any brand of canned spaghetti sauce, browned meat if you want, and add a few spices that you probably already have – things like onion powder or salt, garlic powder or salt, dried oregano, dried Italian seasons – whatever you see in those numerous jars that you know will add to the flavor of your sauce. If desired, sprinkle in some store-bought grated cheese, Parmesan or any such related combos of cheese. If you have them, add a bay leaf. Now, just stir this all together until the tomato paste is broken down and incorporated, then simmer it on medium low for at least 1/2 hour, stirring occasionally. The longer you simmer it, the thicker it will get and the more the seasonings will incorporate into the sauce. The longer it simmers, the darker the red color will deepen as well. I tend to simmer mine not by time, but until I’m satisfied with the thickness and rich color. I promise you that this little bit of time and extra ingredients will give you bragging rights to call it homemade, because it will NOT taste like jarred sauce!

Candied sweet potatoes: This side dish is often popular at Thanksgiving and Christmas, served with turkey and/or ham. Most of us look for the frozen brand ($3.99 for 8 ounces of Hanover brand) because we can just put it all together in one dish and use the microwave to cook them. Did you know that the ‘candied’ part is nothing more than brown sugar and butter (margarine works as well) in equal parts, heated and stirred until the brown sugar melts? Instead of spending so much for so little, you can buy a large can of sweet potatoes, heat them in a sauce pan in the canned juice, strain them once they are good and hot, then add equal parts of brown sugar and butter to the empty pan, cook them until they meld, then add the canned and drained potatoes to the pot and stir gently to incorporate them with the sauce. You’ll have twice as much for half the money, still use only one utensil to make them (though you’ll want to have a colander to drain them). A bonus is that this same glaze works well on cooked carrots, and we all know that we’re more likely to eat a vegetable if it has a sweet candied glaze on it!

Frozen diced onions: If you’re not already using these, shame on you! There is no need to face the frustration, not to mention the tears, dicing an onion to add to a recipe. While frozen onion pieces tend to get a little bit of frost on them when frozen, they can be thawed on a paper towel before using. I use them for almost everything I make to add an onion flavor!

Fried Brussel sprouts: Speaking of veggies, Brussel sprouts will never rank up there as a favored vegetable. This little trick might get those picky veggie eaters you know to change their minds about these things that look like tiny cabbages. And it’s easy to make as well! Use some bacon cut into pieces (I ‘cut off and save’ the more fatty end of bacon strips for recipes like this) and brown. About halfway through browning, add some of those thawed diced onions and cook both. Meanwhile, steam Brussel sprouts in the microwave (you can buy them frozen in steam-able bags if you don’t have a steamer). When the bacon and onions are thoroughly sautéed, simply add the cooked Brussel sprouts and let them lightly fry in the oil from the bacon. For really picky eaters, you can slice them in half before adding to the pan to make sure more of each sprout is exposed to the flavorful bacon grease.

Oh, I could go on and on, and on and one…. but I’ll let my readers who choose to do so try out some of my hacks. If you do, please comment, and please tell me if you’d like more tips and ideas to add some variety to your mealtimes!

ARK Philosophy

I’ve always been a strong supporter of the ARK (Acts of Random Kindness) philosophy. I can’t remember when I became active in practicing it, because I can’t remember a time when I didn’t do it.

See the car flashing its lights and making a hand movement to indicate to go ahead and pull out in front of me when traffic is especially heavy? That would be me. See that person who, upon approaching the door to a public place, opens the door and stands aside so the person exiting can do so before entering? That would be me. See the person who sees stray shopping carts left askew in a store parking lot and gathers a few of them to return to the store on the way in? Yep, that would be me, too.

Now, before you think I’m taunting my niceness to get a pat on the back of some kind, let me tell you why I do it. Yes, there is something to be said for giving our fellow man a hand when it takes little from us to do so. But, in equal portions, I feel joy inside for doing something nice for someone else with no thought of repayment. I’ve done some things much more “out of my way” – an example is the time I saw someone walking home (which turned out to be over a mile away) in a misty rain carrying two plastic bags of groceries, whereupon I pulled up and got the person in my car and took them the rest of the way home and, when offered a couple of dollars for gas, my response, without thought was, “You can repay me by paying it forward.”

I believe in the idea that what you give out comes back to you ten-fold. I believe that these small, seemingly insignificant gestures in the general scheme of my life have no cost in giving them. I also believe that there is the possibility that something I’ve done to assist someone else may have an impact on their day without my ever knowing it.

When I get a wave, a nod, hear the words “thank you”, sure, it makes me feel even better, knowing that what I’ve done has been appreciated by the recipient. But, even without the acknowledgement, I will continue on with the same actions because I like how they make me feel for doing them. Ironically, it’s become such a way of life for me that it’s almost awkward for me to be the recipient of an act of random kindness. This is something I’ve had to learn to accept as graciously as I can, reminding myself that others also practice the ARK philosophy and I mustn’t stand in their way of doing so. Maybe it’s just that old adage that “it is better to give than to receive”?

Do you practice the ARK philosophy? What are some of your common gestures in doing so? And how does it make YOU feel?

Friday’s 5 Takeaways – 5/10/2019

I’ve decided to start a weekly post with some things in my world that might be ordinary or mundane, but they are a part of my active world. This has been my past week:

No matter how many times I see videos of babies giggling, they always make me smile and get gushy. I saw one this week that was so much fun I watched it a second time. It’s been proven that laughter is contagious, and there is something about the innocent sound of laughter from the soul from a baby that raises my mood!
I did something this week that I’ve never done before. I went dumpster diving! I had gone to our local paper recycling bin to drop in a bag full of junk mail, newspaper, magazines, etc. and there, on top of a 3/4s full bin, was a bunch of paperback books! Seriously, who throws out books when they can be donated to the library for their book sales or given to a non-profit thrift store to resell??? As an avid reader who had to struggle with not going to be recent semi-annual library book sale because my TBR (to be read) piles are so daunting, the easy reach to these was too great to resist. I came away with 7 books, all in my preferred genre and all by authors whose names were unfamiliar. Totally worth calling myself a dumpster diver!
My bestie and I are planning a Sunday outing for lunch and a movie. She’s been under some stress lately (some of it self-imposed) and some girl-time and a funny movie will do her some good.
I’ve been in a reading slump (which is why my TBR piles are so daunting). I enjoy reading and can, at times, read two books in a week. I’ve had the same book out now for over week, and manage a chapter a day, if I’m lucky. I have interest in the story line, but no desire to sit still and focus on it.
I successfully avoided the torture at my last chiropractor visit (see my post called “Is it what it is? for reference)! I told him about how I felt at the onset of our latest visit, and I could tell he was genuinely sorry. He said I should have called him and gone back in if I was in that much pain. I said that it was my philosophy not to return to the scene of ‘abuse’…. we laughed together. Since then, I’m experiencing intermittent aches, but it’s more muscular than spinal. I opted to start on the rolling massage table first, and except for the little hiccup in the left side of my neck, it was an easy treatment. Whew!

Exciting, yes? No?