Cleaning is such a dirty job!

I want to start this post by giving kudos to people who earn a living cleaning up after other people. Whether it’s housekeeping in a hotel, cleaning private homes, cleaning offices, schools, hospitals or any public building, it is a physically demanding, often unappreciated and dirty task.

Having been in the hotel industry for over 20 years, I’ve cleaned my share of rooms and done more than my share of laundry. I’m happy to say that more than 50% of guests in a type of lodging are fairly neat and considerate. Other people take advantage of the fact that someone else will clean up after them and become lazy and entitled. And ask anyone who has ever worked cleaning up after a sports team has lodged there, and they will tell you that this is the worst of the worst. The parents who are along are far more interested in gathering with each other and drinking than paying active attention to their kids, and some of them show their kids how to be messy by example.

No, I don’t mind having to move all of your “stuff” just to make the bed! NOT!

I’m honored to pick up every wet and dirty towel! NOT!

Nonetheless, does any of us really enjoy cleaning? And aren’t there cleaning tasks we hate worse than others? For example, I absolutely HATE to dust. I would rather scrub a toilet than dust! Of all cleaning chores, dusting is the one that doesn’t show any real change, therefore not offering a sense of accomplishment. And you know, unless you live in a dust-free bubble, that dusting is going to be the first thing that will look like it was never done in the first place!

I’ll admit I’m not a super-organized cleaner at home. I tend to start in one place, have to put something away in another place, then see something else in that area that needs done, so do that. Aging and having minor aches and pains these days also means I can accomplish less at one time than I used to. And I know that, living alone with very few visitors, I tend to let some tasks go longer between cleanings than I should.

How do you do your cleaning? Do you start with one task (like dusting) and do it all over your house before you move on to the next task, or do you completely clean one room at a time? Do you spread out your cleaning over several days or tackle it all in one day? Do you have any good hints and tips about making cleaning easier that you’d be willing to share here? I know I’d be grateful, and I’m sure other readers would, too. If you can, please leave them in the comment section! Thank you!

Got Baggage?

This is so powerful that I wanted to share it with my readers as well!

commonsensiblyspeaking

Recently a close friend referred to needing to end the pursuit of a love interest because they had too much “baggage”. I understood immediately this was not the literal possession of a vast number of suitcases. It was a representation of emotions, feelings, hurts, or misperceptions that someone carries with them long after the event that elicited such emotions or jaded views. But I assume it can also mean more tangible things like kids, debt, exes, and the like. To be honest with you, I never gave much thought to the specifics of what that meant till I heard it this time.

The first thought that popped into my head was not this new realization that I had a fuzzy understanding of what that word conveyed. The first thought was that we all have baggage of some type, whether we recognize and admit it or not. So, the idea of…

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Perfecting Procrastination

People who know me will probably tell you that I’m NOT a procrastinator, the proof of which is that, until this year, my Christmas gift shopping was usually (or mostly) done by this time of the year. I’ve always done that for two major reasons: 1.) I consider myself a thoughtful gift giver and when I see something I’m sure the recipient will like, I buy it while I can, and 2.) It’s more helpful to my budget to spread the costs of gifts throughout the year as opposed to a big chunk being spent in a short period of time.

I recognize that much of my reason for not procrastinating has to do with the stress of trying to get things done at the last minute. I also have perfectionist tendencies, and so the thought of having something be less than perfect is also overwhelming.

Anything you read from a psychology perspective will tell you that procrastination is a “bad” thing; in fact, there is a myriad of self-help books to overcome it. But is getting something done too soon any worse than waiting until the last minute?

Each year, as the Christmas season comes closer, it’s impossible not to see people out and about doing their shopping. There is a buzz, an excitement, as they go from store to store, searching for gifts for their loved ones. Not liking crowds, I prefer not to be a part of that. (No matter when I do my shopping, much of it is done online.) But you see them, bundled up in coats, scarves and gloves – some with lists in hand – carrying bags with different store names on them. And when you see them returning to their cars, laden with those bags, their sense of accomplishment is almost palpable. The thought they have put into their choices and the joy they anticipate when the gifts are opened are very much forefront in their minds, and it adds to the excitement of the holidays.

On the other hand, they are at the mercy of what the stores they visit have in stock, at the mercy of the ticket price on each item, not to mention at the mercy of their credit card merchants when those big-amount statements arrive just after the holidays.

I, on the other hand, found gifts throughout the year – was able to wait for a sales price, added only a little bit at a time to my credit card statements, and didn’t have to worry that I wouldn’t be able to find what I perceived as the perfect gift. It’s definitely far less stressful than waiting until the last few weeks!

But while there is no stress, there is also no chance to get caught up in that buzz and excitement, no sense of accomplishment when a much larger task is finished in a short period of time. There is also the risk of buying what you deem as the “perfect gift” for someone only to find a different “perfect gift” for the same person and, either blowing your budget or possibly regretting that you didn’t wait longer before that first purchase.

So I’ve decided that my new mission in life will be perfecting procrastination. I have been experimenting a little here and there with procrastinating small tasks, and I’ve still managed to get things done well and on time. (The meditation I spoke about in a previous post has come in handy with this!) And yes, I enjoyed the sense of accomplishment I felt when that happened! I believe there must be a balance, and that, with some tasks, the stress of putting them off produces more negativity than the positive emotions of successfully procrastinating. The art will be discovering the stress versus excitement with each task in front of me, as well as its value if I should procrastinate too long and not accomplish it as perfectly as I would like.

And yes, I have purchased two Christmas presents – but just this month – and I do not feel pressured by not being done by now, as I’m known to be.

I do think it’s okay to procrastinate as long as one finds a balance!

So which do you prefer – getting things done with plenty of time to spare or feeling the adrenaline rush when you’ve procrastinated until the last minute?

Hacks from my Happy Place – V

For our Fourth of July feast, my bestie had what I call a “happy accident”. I use that label to apply when you are cooking and without one of the ingredients, so you substitute something in its place and it turns out even better! One of our entrees was chicken, which was to be cooked on the grill with barbeque sauce. My poor bestie discovered that morning that she didn’t have any barbeque sauce! What she did have was a bottle of steak marinade, so she used it as a marinade for the chicken. It was fabulous! It had some of the sweetness of a barbeque sauce but also some of the smokiness of a beef marinade. I have tried different brands of barbeque sauces, never finding one that was quite the right blend of flavorings to suit me. Well, thanks to that “happy accident”, I’ll be using steak marinade instead in the future. It really WAS that good!

I love cabbage any way you cook it. Cabbage is one of those foods that you either love or hate, and I’m a lover. Years ago, I learned a recipe for fried cabbage, which I make now and again. It’s pretty simple. You fry bacon and set it aside. You fry loose sausage and set it aside. You fry chopped onions and set them aside. Then, in a non-stick Dutch oven, you add chopped cabbage and fry it over medium heat until it has almost completely softened (you’ll want to stir it now and then so you don’t burn it). When it’s just about soft, put the lid on and continue cooking until it’s completely soft. Remove the lid, add in the bacon (crumbled), the sausage and the onions, and stir until combined and everything is hot. Dish up and serve! I can eat this as an entire meal by itself, or it can be a side dish to a main entrée. Either way, it’s yummy! If you really want to make an impression on guests, dish up hot fried cabbage into a casserole, sprinkle with your favorite shredded cheese(s) and pop under the broiler until the cheese is melted and beginning to brown. The fried cabbage will last for up to a week in the fridge!

Did you know that you can brown flour? Flour is often used as a thickening agent for sauces and gravies and such, but using it in a roux (equal parts butter and flour, stirred until completely combined) does tend to lighten the color of whatever you add it to. To keep the rich, dark color of your sauce/gravy/etc., simply put flour in a frying pan and heat over medium heat, stirring about every 5 minutes or so. You will begin to see the flour turn brown. Keep heating and stirring until all of the flour has browned. Now when you use it as a thickener, it will help keep what you add it to from turning light. And, as a bonus, you can make this and keep in an airtight container in your pantry for as long as you’d like, so you don’t have to make it every time you want to use it!

“Brown butter” is a butter sauce you usually only see in Amish or PA Dutch cooking. But yes, you can brown butter. Again, do it in a frying pan, stirring repetitively, until you see the melted butter go from a pale yellow to a golden tone. Once you’ve reached that color, pull it away from the heat immediately. Serve over noodles or, yes, cabbage, or any pasta or vegetable of your choice. Browning butter gives it a subtle nutty taste, but it does, indeed, add taste to your butter! As an appetizer, add spices you would like and serve it with chunks of bread, like they do with oil in those fancy restaurants. Delish!

Well, now I’ve made myself hungry! Hope I’ve made you hungry too! Try some of these simple hacks, and here’s wishing you a “happy accident” in your future!

Thank you, Dr. Perry!

Eric Perry, Ph.D, is a doctorate in psychology from Sherman Oaks, CA. I stumbled across his blog back in my blogging beginning, having found an article called, “Narcissism versus Narcissistic Personality Disorder” which was quite enlightening. I immediately chose to follow his blog and also his site on Facebook.

The other night – well, actually, oh-dark-thirty morning for me – I saw that he was doing a live podcast on Facebook and decided to tune in. He was hosting a small, but comfortable, group in meditation. Now, I’ve never been one to meditate; my mind does not silence even when silence is enveloping me. But I decided to listen anyhow – his voice is a calming baritone and as easy on the ears as his photo is on the eyes.

As I listened, I could feel myself stilling – breathing deeply as he suggested, focusing only on the moment in front of me. He often repeated the breathing directions, creating a tempo, and several times in between he would simply say, “Everything is okay” or “You’re okay”. And in those moments, it was and I was – – I was at a place of peace that, if I’d ever experienced it before, it had been a long time.

The podcast wasn’t long, especially since I’d tuned in after it started, but it was powerful. I’m using the memory of that event now, often practicing it whether I need it or not, and it makes a difference. This morning, I was thinking about a project I need to do in a certain time frame – and as usual – I’m either finished too soon or procrastinate to the last moment. I’ve been procrastinating on this one. The moment even the tiniest bit of anxiety rears up to remind me I need to get this done, I just take a few deep breaths and tell myself that, in this moment, I am okay. And it’s true!

I intend to use this whenever I start worrying about the future – or about any potential in the future – and just focus on the present, on the moment. And I’m sharing this because we ALL need a place to slip away to whenever stress rears its ugly head. It’s easy to just stop, take a few deep breaths, and remind ourselves that, in this moment, everything is okay. And it is more helpful to me because I can hear his voice on the outside reminding me.

I have not written this post with Dr. Perry’s permission. His blog site does not allow for comments to his articles, and though I did post a comment during the podcast, I’m hoping he’ll get wind of this article so he knows how much impact those few moments of his time made.

So thank you, Dr. Perry. THANK YOU!

If you’d like to read his blog, you can find him at: https://makeitultrapsychology.wordpress.com

Also, if you search for him on Facebook, you may be able to find the podcast I listened to. I suggest you take the time to listen to it as well.

Lay me gently…

Lay me gently in a field of morning dew, Wrap your arms around me, hold me close to you. This love we’ve found is fresh and new, Lay me gently in a field of morning dew.

Lay me gently in a field of softest hay. As you look in my eyes, see the love I cannot say. We can’t last forever, but until that day, Lay me gently in a field of softest hay.

Lay me gently in a field of vibrant leaves, Our two bodies joined, each other we please. Passion unleashed, bodies melding with ease, Lay me gently in a field of vibrant leaves.

Lay me gently in a blanket snowy white, Let me love you once more under stars so bright, Being together again before doing what’s right, Lay me gently in a blanket snowy white.

Leave me gently in a blanket snowy white.

Don’t make me “talk” to you!

I know that title might well sound like an admonishment from an authority figure to some one not behaving, such as parent to child. But that is not what it means.

With this world of amazing technology, almost anything we want is at the tip of our fingers. We can book vacations, buy anything – even cars now – engage in contracts for people, places and things. The one thing we cannot do online is cancel anything.

I’ve recently made successful changes to my vehicle insurance and cell phone carrier. I also researched and spent more than 2 hours in a ‘chat box’ regarding changing my TV and internet provider. I spoke once – a brief call – to the insurance agency and spoke to the cell phone carrier through another ‘chat box’. My fingers did all the work – at my convenience.

Why, then, was I forced to make telephone calls to make cancellations to prior vehicle insurance and cell phone carrier as well as to cancel the account that was set up after I’d agreed to change my TV services and then decided not to follow through?

I get it. On the phone, the representative gets to try and persuade you not to make the change you’re planning to make. All of the sudden, the company is willing to offer you additional incentives and/or a price reduction in order to keep your business. Understanding that these people are only the messengers is the only thing that stops me from asking why, suddenly, they can do better for me. My business wasn’t valuable enough to do anything to keep me loyal until I’m no longer willing to be loyal.

I don’t like the telephone any more. Since I’ve retired, I’ve really started to prefer emails and texts over voice conversations. Much of that is that I can do anything online at any hour of the day or night (good for me who gets up really early in the morning). By the time companies have opened their businesses to take my phone calls, I’m ready to relax. Because I wear dentures, there are days I don’t even put my teeth in, which makes me more difficult to understand when I’m speaking. Also, I like paper trails rather than just the notes I’m scribbling while talking on the phone, which can always be disputed.

Add to that the frustration of the additional sales pitches to keep my loyalty, and it’s a frustrating process. I have better things to do with my time than keep turning down your offers and making you understand the meaning of the word cancel!

What part of cancel do you not understand?

I will have one more cancellation call to make which can’t happen until my current cell phone carrier ‘unlocks’ my phone. (If you don’t know what this is, leave me a comment and I’ll explain it.) During my phone call to get that process started, I was asked more than once if I was happy with the service I have or might be looking to switch carriers. Rather than lie, I said I have had no problems with the service at all..

I’m glad I’m doing this all at once, and hope to be happy for a while with the decisions I’ve made. The thought of future calls to cancel services makes me frustrated just thinking about it…

Happy 4th of July, 2019

Sinner, forgive thyself

I recently read a little proverb that said, “Treat others’ faults as gently as you would your own.” Dear readers, I promise you now that I will NEVER treat you as I treat myself. You see, self-forgiveness is a difficult task for me. I am my own worst critic and, I suppose, in some subconscious way I hold myself to a higher standard.

I recognize that those higher standards were ingrained during my childhood. Our household was “old school” in regards to male and female roles and expectations. As a girl, I was expected to do better in school than my brothers, expected to bring home a lot of A’s with perhaps an occasional B. I was expected to dress ‘appropriately and modestly’ in public, even when the school dress code became much more liberal. These types of expectations set me up to believe that I was to have higher standards than others.

And I get that – I understand it intellectually. But there is another disquieting voice in my head that asks me why I should think myself so much better than others to hold myself to that higher standard? I am well aware that I’m human, with a plethora of faults (many of which I could list). I know people who should be held in much higher esteem than that of which I’m worthy. They are smarter, kinder, more compassionate, more caring than I could ever hope to achieve. And I’m pretty sure they don’t hold themselves to a different standard just because of those traits. So why do I do it to myself?

In most cases, I’m quick to forgive others. In extreme cases, where the pain that as caused is complex and traumatic, it takes me longer. I only still carry unforgiveness for one transgressor in my life; after over four years, I still find the place it occurred and the words that were spoken to be totally disrespectful of me as a person, not to mention terribly awkward to the bystanders who heard it.

Why then, am I unable to forgive myself as easily? Why do I still remember incidents in years past where I believe I behaved poorly and still feel angry at myself for it? In my blog article “Social Consciousness”, I mention pre-apologizing if I think I may end up being less than the kind and patient person I want to be. Is that tied into this, too?

Does anyone else struggle with this, or is it just me? Does anyone out there have advice or tools that might help me forgive myself? I’ve read articles upon articles, and I comprehend them intellectually, but have difficulty transferring them from my brain to my heart. How do you deal with this? Any insight would be welcomed!

I’ll Gladly Take the Pain…

My upstairs neighbor’s grandmother passed away this week. I know Bridget (to chat with now and then) and of course, her two daughters who live with her. I know her dad Mike as well – he owns a construction company and has been doing the work at my bestie’s as they remodel their home. I’ve never met anyone else in the family, although this lady had a large number of grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

I had an opportunity to see Bridget after I’d learned about the passing, and made it a point to offer my condolences. I knew the lady had been in and out of the hospital, suffering from falls, but not much else. Bridget thanked me and was able to say that, despite her grief, she could picture her grandmother dancing in heaven without worrying about falling. A nice sentiment!

I could relate to her feelings, because it was that way for me when my mother died 20 years ago. The loss, the pain and the grief seemed overwhelming and unbearable, but a small voice in my mind also reminded me that she was no longer in a wheelchair. For me, my visual was picturing her standing in front center, leading a chorus of angels in song.

I was thinking about this again this morning, embracing her understanding that there can still be a blessing in sadness. And I had this thought… Knowing how my mother suffered for over a year, wouldn’t I willingly take on the pain of losing her in exchange for her release from pain? My answer to myself was instant, “Damned right I would!”

The change to my mindset was instant and monumental. Over and over again, I would gladly suffer through grief to remember that her pain was gone! The large voice of pain became a small voice and the small voice about her suffering being over rang out loud and clear!

When I stumbled across this quote by David Kessler, it resonated in me, confirmed that this new way of looking at the pain of grief is brilliant. I wish I had had it 20 years ago when I lost my mom; wish I had had it 4 years ago when I lost my brother and dad. I didn’t…. but I have it now. And I will hold this new concept near for when I get a bit sad about the losses of those loved ones. I’ll hold it near should I ever have need for it again (meanwhile praying I won’t ever need it!).

As long as MY candle burns, the love stays alive…

If you, too, have watched a loved one physically suffer before passing, give this way of looking at it a try. I suspect that you, too, would gladly take on pain to release your loved one from it.