Patience is a Virtue meaning: The ability to wait for something without frustration. It is a useful skill and a good aspect of one’s personality. The proverb patience is a virtue means that it is a good quality to be able to tolerate something that takes a long time.
Patience has never been one of my more ‘virtuous’ aspects. And, truth be told, I am much more able to practice patience while waiting for some THING, but I admit to being completely lousy with having patience for some ONE. This is something that definitely applies to me:
Mostly, I have little tolerance for people who behave in chaotic and insensitive ways. I mean, we all have our moments where we unintentionally say something insensitive to someone, but it is usually to someone we love and feel safe enough around to be human. When I see someone behave in a rude way, for example, being so lazy as to leave their shopping cart not put in a return carousel or returned to the store (one of my triggers!), I say something intolerant in my head, but I would never say it to the actual person. I think most of us have experienced road rage of some kind, and say things in our heads or out loud inside the safety of our vehicle, but we don’t openly display that rudeness.
But put people behind the anonymity of a computer screen, and some people have no trouble saying rude, mean and disrespectful things. My dear friend, Will, always shows the most amazing patience with these people, suggesting that these people try to pull other people into their chaos because it’s their only way to express themselves. He reminds me often enough that we don’t know what is going on under the surface of their behavior that is causing it. He has the patience of a saint in trying to speak to them in kindness and hopes to pull them away from the acting out. I, on the other hand, am quick to give a warning that the behavior is not appreciated and that there are consequences if it continues. And trust me, I am not making empty promises to them about the consequences!
I am not at all behind the theory that some parents try to treat their children like their best friends. That is not a part of parenting! It is a parent’s responsibility to teach proper behavior, and to provide consequences for failing to behave in a proper manner. I grew up with many rules of conduct in how to treat others, and I didn’t turn out too bad. There has to be a boundary to the idea of the Golden Rule where we just ‘turn the other cheek’, right?
When I really think about it, I have to wonder if why I struggle being patient with these kinds of people has to do with my empath traits. Perhaps I see the chaos in the behavior and act quickly in defense to protect myself from actually being pulled into it emotionally? If that is true, it’s completely on a subconscious level; on the surface, I just get angry that people get away with that kind of negative behavior without consequence which, to me, condones the behavior.
As much as my friend Will is trying to encourage me to gain patience with people in this regard, for the most part, I suspect that we are going to have to agree to disagree about it. I’m simply at a place in my life where I have chosen to step away from chaos and negativity. I’ve ended a couple of friendships recently in order to move away from that, and I’m certainly not willing to let complete strangers get away with what those friends could not!
And that is just another thing that I’m going to accept about who I am!
4 thoughts on ““Patience is a Virtue””
Absolutely.We can’t really change completely.i am by nature an anxious person and no matter how hard I try I can’t calm down in stressful situation.have tried to meditate but doesn’t help as much
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Sometimes poor behavior is nothing more than an attempt to get a rise out of others. A desperate cry for attention, just as with a child. But I do agree that whatever you allow to happen with no response, recourse, or consequence, will continue to happen and you must accept the behavior once this precedence is set. Interesting and revealing post. Well written!
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As I know what platform you are referring to, i can safely say 90% of toxic messages is just a cry for attention. I personally am patient. I’ve succesfully spoke to some of them and improved their behaviour, but your approach reminds me of a certain person with a gun ;).
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And, another extremely well written post!
It’s very hard to maintain the integrity when you can be on the receiving-end of someone’s trolling and toxicity. For someone that’s trying to change the perspective of even the trolliest of trolls I think what’s most important is re-defining what it means to be tough. In an internet realm where the only thing in our arsenal is a “reaction” it’s often the first thing that comes to mind as a troll enters the room. To me someone that’s tough is being able to understand when a “reaction” will be effective enough to get someone to stop their bullshit. It involves a whole “helluva” lot of confidence and “knowing one’s self”. It IS toughness because what someone has had to go through to have that kind of undeniable vision is quite a bit. I think people with vision also have their limits in all their different ways, as well.
Reading this makes me realize one thing – we’re more alike than you may realize. I’m very protective of those I care about and while I see a troll trying to cause ME a bad day, I actually see it as pitiful and question how sad their life may be. BUT, when it comes to someone personally attacking or being toxic towards another person (especially community members) – I lose my shit. It’s been a long time, but I know you’ve seen it!! If someone directs that kind of energy towards other people I could easily lose patience and want to make an example of them. We’re the same because you probably see people do that to me – haha! I def have my limits and give people only one opportunity to change their energy. You may not see it, but I ban people without blinking.
Either way, knowing when to react, knowing when to whisper that reaction or make a public example, and especially the vision required to do it all to max effectiveness are things we’ll all probably need to work on for the rest of time…as the digital realm continues to evolve!
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