The Silent Treatment

I saw this on a social media forum and immediately nodded in agreement. As I mentioned in “My Elusive Love”, sleep is more a stranger than a friend in my life. I feel it safe to say that my mind is a traitor to the body which houses it, since it’s those ramblings and ruminations inside my brain that start immediately upon awakening, more often than not keeping me awake despite how my body craves to fall back asleep.

I got to thinking about the actual idea of my mind giving me the silent treatment, and what that would mean. My fear is that, with my luck (and something called The Wentling Curse in my life), my mind would not silence temporarily, giving me a respite from the words roaming through it, but permanently. Would I eventually miss the cacophony my thoughts produce – often raging, occasionally just flowing easily – but seldom truly silent?

Those idioms of “the grass is always greener…” and “be careful what you wish for” come to me as I ponder this… A question sometimes asked of others for conversation is, “Would you rather your mind go first or your body go first?” produces answers equal on both sides. Having watched my mother’s body fail her though her mind was always present was sad. Losing your independence and needing someone to help you with the most basic of life’s tasks can – and probably does – bring guilt with it. Jay Shetty, in a recent interview with Chrissy Metz (star on “This Is Us”) agreed with Chrissy’s idea that none of us really need anyone in our lives. I recognize that this comment was made in the concept of settling for the wrong person, but in the whole scheme of life, I can’t agree.

I have a pretty low threshold when it comes to physical pain, and so I’ve always believed that I wanted my mind to go first so that I wouldn’t comprehend what is happening to my body. Millions of people with loved ones who suffer with dementia and Alzheimer’s would disagree, as it is heart-breaking for them to not be recognized by their loved ones.

But alas, I digress… I would welcome a respite of silent treatment from my mind like I welcome a day when the sun shines brightly despite the bitter cold outside – and I still think I fear pain more than loss of cognitive skills… But I suppose I should be careful what I wish for, since in this case, the parameters aren’t preset more specifically…