Different Versions of Me

What I’ve copied below was recently posted by a friend on a social media site, and as I got to the end of reading it, I had a moment where life just literally stopped. My mind was blown by the simple truth in these words. I commented on the post that I didn’t know whether to give it the love (heart) emoji or the sad (crying face) emoji. The words were so powerful that they instantly made me see myself in a different light, and that deserved a “love” response. And the words were so powerful that they instantly made me realize how many years I’ve wasted of my life trying to be who I thought others wanted me to be based on my own perception of how they saw me.

I struggle more than I care to admit with trying to reason why anyone would want to choose me as a friend. This goes all the way back to my high-school years, and it exists usually within relationships where I perceive the other person in a way that, for me, makes them well above “average” and, thus, puts them on some kind of pedestal. Of course, that means I’m always below/beneath them, and from there comes my reasoning or lack thereof.

As I’m thinking through this process and typing these words, a comment given (and forgotten) a long, long time ago from a mentor told me that I didn’t get to choose who someone else can and cannot like, and if that person chooses to like me, that’s his/her right and privilege.

I really need to do some more introspection on this and make it a priority to focus on. I’ve started making a list of little quotes and goodies that I need to have in the forefront of my brain (you know, being ‘older’ means it’s time to start making lists to remember things). My plan is to add to the list as needed, and to review that list at least once daily to keep those thoughts in my focus.

This will be a constant work in progress, I’m sure.

And they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks…