Reflection

These are the lyrics to the song “Reflection” from the movie, “Mulan”. There is never a time I don’t have a reaction to these lyrics. On one side, they make me sad. I spent – no, wasted – too many years trying to mold myself into whom I thought others wanted or expected me to be. On the other side, these lyrics bring me peace because they validate that this many years’ struggle wasn’t unique to only me.

Look at me
I will never pass for a perfect bride
Or a perfect daughter
Can it be

I’m not meant to play this part?
Now I see
That if I were truly to be myself
I would break my family’s heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight
Back at me?
Why is my reflection someone

I don’t know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am
Though I’ve tried

When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

Once Upon a Time…

…there was a gal who had always enjoyed writing. She had written articles for the humane society, articles that were published into pamphlets for a psychological practice, and multiple poems (which were never published). Many of her bosses liked her ability because they could give her two or three sentences and she could make them into two or three paragraphs, at least enough to make a letter an adequate length to send.

In her life, this gal had a man enter who was able to be an earthly muse, encouraging her to write, encouraging her to ignore syntax, grammar and punctuation and just let words flow. With him in her life, words poured – sometimes only a sentence or two, sometimes paragraphs that seemed to go on for an eternity.

When he left her life, she stopped writing except for what was necessary. It seemed obvious to her that it was his energy and presence which allowed her to turn words into glorious visualizations. Without his energy, she couldn’t draw two words together in a meaningful way, much less into a sentence or paragraph that spoke from her heart.

Several (many) years later, she stumbled across a printed version of those many words – and they moved her so much that she decided she wanted to share them. They were, indeed, glimpses into not only her mind, but her heart and spirit as well. She tucked those pages away, not quit knowing if she was willing to be vulnerable enough to share them.

When her beloved brother started blogging, she thought that a blog might be a way she could share these words, share the thoughts and create the same visuals she got whenever she read them. Still, she put it off…

One day, a content creator who does wonderful vlogs made a comment to his audience to “quit saying it and start doing it.” That phrase struck her, and she realized that the time was right now or never. She knew she could easily share the pages of words she had written in a way to make for several posts.

And this blog began. She named it “Ramblings and Ruminations” because it felt to her that what she had on hand fit that description. The first entry was on April 3, 2019. She thought she’d only have these pre-written words to share, but suddenly saw that she had a lot to say. Some of it was opinion, some of it was helpful hints, some of it was advice.

I wanted to share this story with you as a way of honoring 50 posts now available on my blog. The “ramblings and ruminations” portion is only 4 of those 50. I guess she was right – she does have a lot to say! In fact, I believe I can say with authority that “once upon a time” doesn’t only exist in fairy tales!

This journey, while still in its infant stage, has changed my life in so many ways. By blogging and reading others’ blogs, I’ve re-energized my personal growth journey, which hadn’t seen much activity since I retired. It has brought – and continues to bring – many ways in which I’ve become much truer to my authentic self. I’m learning to love myself for who I am and I’ve quit trying to be who I think others want me to be. This part of my blogging journey has been the greater gift.

Still, as I continue to share in my blog, I hope I’ve brought insight and help to those who read it. Being vulnerable continues to make me a little anxious, but it helps me to focus my attention on those who accept the “real” me and stop spending energy trying to hide the real me.

To my readers and followers, thank you for following me as I ramble through a lot of subjects, writing whatever is on my mind that I think is worthy of sharing. I am honored by your presence. And here’s to another 50 blog posts!