I’m going to do my best here to recall something I read some years ago, something that made perfect sense to me and has since been stuck in my brain. It goes something like this: Phillip and Sandy were looking forward to the celebration of their 10th anniversary. They had made a pact that they couldn’t spend more than $5 in gifts for the other except for their decade anniversaries.

They both had taken their anniversary day off from work so they could spend the entire day with each other. After sleeping in, they shared a light breakfast and coffee, then stayed at the table lazily looking through the morning’s newspaper, trading sections. Showers followed and, with no other plans until dinner, they dressed casually and went for a walk. Upon returning, Sandy suggested they go in through the garage. When Phillip followed her, he saw a large, gaily wrapped box sitting on his workshop table. His eyes went wide, excitement lighting up his whole face, as he turned to look at Sandy and said, “If that’s for me, please, PLEASE let me open it now or the curiosity will make me crazy!” Sandy smiled up at him and after a moment’s hesitation, she nodded yes.

Phillip almost ran to his workshop table. Ripping off the paper as quickly as possible, he found a box showing the brand-new tool set he’d been telling Sandy about that he had seen at the neighbor’s and was jealous of. He was giddy with delight, grabbing Sandy and kissing her soundly before wrapping her in a huge hug. He looked back at the box and it was easy to see that he was more than ready to open the outer box and fondle each tool, his mind racing already about what little projects and tinkering he was raring to do with them.

Phillip saved Sandy’s gift until they were finishing their shared dessert at a fancy restaurant where they had made reservations for dinner. Phillip reached into the inner pocket of his sports jacket then pulled up a small box with a red bow on top and handed it to Sandy.

When she opened the box, her eyes immediately filled with tears. She looked up at Phillip, softly saying, “I can’t believe you remembered this!” The box contained a necklace and a pair of earrings in her birthstone, something she had seen months ago in a jewelry shop in the mall and had mentioned to him as she told him about her trip to the mall. She closed the box and held it close to her chest, mumbling, “Thank you. I love it.”

You all remember that men are from Mars, women are from Venus, right? Well, here is a classic example. On the Saturday morning after their anniversary, Phillip headed out to the garage, where he spent close to two hours inspecting each tool, holding each one in his hands and thinking of things he could find to repair with them. That afternoon, he finally fixed the closet door that kept jumping the track. He opened the hood of his truck and tinkered around, tightening things that weren’t even lose. He even asked Sandy if she knew anything around the house that needed fixing.

Meanwhile, Sandy had tucked away the small velvet box, after opening it once again and fondly touching each piece of the 3-piece set. These were special to her, and she didn’t want anything to happen to them, so she would only wear them on special occasions.

The moral of this story is that men are ready to use a gift of value as soon as possible. And women will tuck things of value away to save for a special occasion.

As I was processing my ideas for continuing this blog, it occurred to me that someone might suggest that I was comparing apples to oranges. As my mind pondered, it came up with a ‘solution’ that would compare apples to apples. Many men have a favorite scent of aftershave or cologne. Most women have a favorite scent of parfum. Apple to apple, right? Yet, because the man likes that scent he will wear it often. But most women still save their favored scent for…you guessed it, a special occasion. I have been guilty of tucking things away like that. I’ve amassed quite a few jar candles that have never been lit. I’ve always purchased eucalyptus candles from Yankee Candle because they help when my rhinitis is acting up, especially over the winter. I also really like the scents of lavender, lilac, blue hyacinth and Yankee’s Midsummer’s Night. I have only allowed myself to light a candle of one of those scents if I had more than one in my possession. I use a lot of hand and body lotion and I don’t have a ‘special’ brand, although I do have to check and make sure I like the scent. Meanwhile, I found a few tubes of specially scented hand lotion that were gifted to me over the years. I’ve kept them tucked away for a ‘special’ occasion, intellectually understanding that once the tubes were empty, they would be all gone…forever!

Well, here I am, at 67.5 years old and it suddenly dawned on me that what I would have defined as a “special occasion” in my 30s and 40s is most likely never going to happen in the rest of my days. And at my age, just being able to wake up to another day makes it a day of special occasion!

So, I’m burning the candles when I know I have time to focus and enjoy the scent. I threw one tube of hand lotion away because it didn’t smell at all like it was supposed to smell. I’ve used another, and I’m halfway through the last one. And after that, I’ll go back to using the hand lotion I have and never even miss the scent! I’m even using my parfum (White Diamonds) whenever I leave the house to be out and about.

I’ve read countless stories about why we shouldn’t save things for a “special occasion” but use them in the present and enjoy them. My friend, Marnette (aka Prin) opened my eyes up a few years ago when she and her husband decided to sell their house and downsize to their motor home. Marnette had done a lot of traveling across the world, and she had gotten herself some souvenirs of her excursions. Choosing to let them go, as far as I can tell, didn’t make a big change in her life. As I remember her saying in the letter she wrote me, which she sent along with a few of those kept memories to me, that “it’s just stuff”.

That reminder has been what motivated me to start downsizing objects that I had simply because I had the space to keep them. And then, once I started, I went a bit overboard – if I had something in my possession that I wasn’t going to use in the next 90 days, it was going! It took me a while to discover that I could keep things which had a purpose I could foresee in the future, and I could keep things simply because it made me happy when I looked at them. Even more important, I started using things that I was not willing to use in case something happened to them. I started listening to CDs of music I like (although I did slim them down by half) without worrying about something that might happen and I’ll never be able to listen to it again. I donated a huge glass bowl with lid that I only ever used when I would take something to a potluck dinner. And surprise, inside I found a stack of three glass bowls that I thought had gotten lost in the years ago, and now I have access to them again!

And perhaps silliest of all… My freezer is small and often times requires some ‘rearranging’ when it needs stocked. I recently found a small (4 oz.) zipper bag with rhubarb sauce in it. Now, my grandmother made rhubarb sauce every year when it was in season, and I liked it. If you’ve had rhubarb sauce, you know it requires a LOT of sugar to sweeten it up, and those big stalks cook down to almost nothing. I started off with a large saucepan full of cut pieces of rhubarb stalk and, in the end, ended up with less than 2 cups of sauce. And I know I used a lot of Splenda until it was sweet enough to suit me. Anyhow, I saw this small plastic bag of rhubarb sauce and remembered that I licked my lips with the thought, then put it back in the freezer to save it for…a special occasion! I had to remind myself to enjoy it soon, and it’s now thawing in the fridge to be made with my meatloaf for tomorrow’s dinner. I’m still having difficulty with ignoring the thought process that, once I eat it, it will be forever gone and it was an impulse splurge to buy and make it, so it may never happen again.

So here is my question to you: How do you define the words “special occasion”? Once you’ve defined that in your own mind, think about the next time you foresee a special occasion occurring in your life. So, what are you waiting for to use that something wonderful that you’ve been saving? For heaven’s sake, if you’re insistent on saving something for a special occasion, then CREATE ONE! Spend a night away from home, even if it’s just in a hotel the next town over and take that scented candle along with you to enjoy. Wear that special jewelry or special clothing for dinner at one of your favorite restaurants. Whatever you are saving, take a hint from the males in our population and use it while you still can!

P.S. I really do believe in what I’ve written here, but I have some additional incentive. My brother, who is my executor and beneficiary when I leave this earth, is a true minimalist and has no sense of sentimentality to objects. He won’t have the patience to sort through whatever I still have ownership to, so it will all maybe be sorted for donations, but I know in my heart that most of my possessions are going to meet their fate in a land fill.