I had my first ever physical therapy a couple of years ago when I dislocated my shoulder. Although I am someone who is close to the edge of the spectrum to abhorring exercise, other than having to go out somewhere and be pleasant with intent, I didn’t really mind the 22 (of 24 approved) visits to therapy. Exercises were focused on my arm, so not extremely ‘active’.

This time, I am in physical therapy to deal with issues of balance and neuropathy. Since my broken jaw was a result of a traumatic fall – the second almost identical fall in under 2 years – I have been aware that I have become very timid about walking. For example, when I park my car at home, I automatically reach for my car for support before stepping up over the curb and onto the sidewalk to have something to hold on to in case I lose my balance. I’m the one holding onto the handle of a shopping cart whenever my bestie and I go shopping together. I can’t remember when the last time was where I could stand up from being seated without using my hands/arms to help push me up. My doctor and I have been talking about physical therapy since last autumn, but with other issues in the forefront, it hasn’t been something that’s been focused on until recently.

When I was at the doctor’s for my 3-month follow-up back in early February, the topic of physical therapy came up again and there were less other issues that pushed it back on the priority list. She gave me a referral for physical therapy (needed with my insurance). I brought the paper home, tacked it up on the bulletin board for safekeeping, and ignored it.

I really do not like to exercise! I remembered hating gym class back in high school, so I guess I’ve always not enjoyed it. And, with the increased excessive sweating over the last years (see https://wordpress.com/post/ramblingsandruminations.blog/5955 for reference), any kind of physical activity will make me break out in a sweat.

So here I am now, hiking 10 miles (about a 20-minute drive) to go to physical therapy twice a week (soon, hopefully, just once a week and then, hopefully, no times a week). And this is very different from my last physical therapy experience. This is 45 minutes of physical activity, done mostly on my feet, and usually at least twice during that time, I have to grab a tissue from my pocket and catch the drop of sweat trickling downward very close to my eye (sweat in the eyes burns like a son-of-a-gun!). I have intentionally forgone having my hair cut so that it is at least long enough to pull the back up into a short ponytail, which lifts it off my neck and allows the sweat that comes from those pores to evaporate in the air.

Yes, I am complaining – because I like being a hermit and because I hate sweating!!!!

Having said that, I am seeing some progress. I thought I was making great progress until I recently logged in online and read the therapist’s notes from each visit. I’m not only doing my home exercise program as instructed, but I’m making up additional ‘exercises’ to encourage my progress. He sees my progress being what it should be after 4 weeks, and I’ve improved well on each of the tests that he gave me at the first evaluation. The biggest thing for me is that I’ve regained my confidence. I had gotten to the point where I anticipated that every step I took could lead to a fall, and I was timid in my walking and holding on to something any time it was available. I mean, I wouldn’t even step off the curb into the street without my hand on my car to steady me.

Being me – someone who does not like exercise of any kind – I want all of this hard work to make me revert back to my old self where I walk with assurance and feel 100% confident in each step without thinking about it. I am much assured in walking and much more confident, but there are times when my foot won’t land as solidly as it needs to and I notice it as soon as I lift the other foot to take a step. When that happens, I really have to have an internal conversation about balance being something many people have difficulties with as they get older and remind myself that I am much better off than before PT, at least to the point where I am seldom afraid of falling. I guess I was hoping for a 100% recovery back to having 100% balance, and I’m beginning to think that is not going to happen.

Meanwhile, I pull up my big-girl panties and go to my appointments, and I do (some of) the home exercises I’m supposed to do. I even said something to my therapist about wanting to play the game of hopscotch, because that would make it necessary to me one-footed, even if it’s just for a moment. He got out some flat plastic discs and laid them on the floor in a hopscotch pattern, and I did 10 rounds of up and back. He has just knocked me down from 2 visits per week to one per week, and he insists I’m making great progress and may be out of PT by July.

So, fingers crossed, I will get out of this alive and better off. After what I went through with jaw surgery as a result of my last fall, I don’t know if I have the resilience to repeat that!

If you’ve got a moment, feel free to cross your fingers for me as well!