The title of this post is the name of a song in the Rogers & Hammerstein musical Cinderella. I believe the first “version” of it aired on TV in 1965, starring Lesley Ann Warren as Cinderella, Stuart Damon (aka Alan Quartermaine on General Hospital) as Prince Charming and Celeste Holm as the Fairy Godmother.
None of the versions made since this one hold as much appeal to me. Yes, I’ve watched them, because my heart adores this romantic fairy tale, but in my opinion, no one has played the parts as well as these three stars did. And yes, I adore Julie Andrews to the moon and back, but she’s not my heart’s first choice for this movie.
I’ve said before that I’m an introvert. I’ve mentioned before that I’m content with only myself for company. The older I get, the less social I want to be. I see people – and sometimes even speak to them – at the grocery store which is an almost weekly excursion, and that’s enough. Someone mentioned this movie recently, and this was the first song that came to mind… and it’s been stuck in my mind since then. I guess I truly am happy to be in my own little corner!
That’s right – I took a vacation! And I’m happy to report that it was wonderful. For an entire week, I did what I wanted to do, napped whenever the urge overtook me, cooked meals I was hungry for without making a lot of mess, and read to my heart’s content!
I spent no money on gas. I did not have to pack a single thing. I did not walk outside of my apartment building – and only three times out of my actual apartment, to check for mail. I let my air conditioner cycle to the temperature I set (a mild 76-78 degrees) without thinking about turning it off for a bit to save energy.
I did not go anywhere for this vacation. This vacation was not about a physical destination, but a mental destination. Because of my assorted medical issues, it is difficult for me to be physically active for long periods of time, and so there are always ‘chores’ around my house that need done but never get done in a timely manner. And, when I sit down for one of what I call my ‘rest periods’ – what I need to have whenever I feel like I’m zapped of energy – I can see all of these things that should be done and feel guilty that I’m not willing to go through the physical discomfort of pushing my body beyond its comfort. What I did do, for an entire week, was train and then allow my brain to look at all of those things needing done and internally say to them, “Next week.”
I had no idea how liberating this would end up being for me. It did take me about 48 hours to completely let go of the guilt and worry, but once I had that mastered, I truly had the best 7 days in a row that I’ve had in years! And the side benefit is that, moving forward, I think I have developed the ability to look at a chore that feels overwhelming to me and say, “Yes, but not today” and be okay with letting it go.
This was my first experience at visiting the “No Guilt Land” and it has felt so good that I’d like to move there! However, that’s not a reality, because clothes do need to be washed and dried and put away. Bathrooms do need to be cleaned to keep them hygienic. Dusting and vacuuming do need to happen to keep sneezing and other allergy issues to a minimum. And, least favorite of all, trash does need to be gathered up from different rooms and taken outside and down to the alley to put in the building’s bins.
However, one of the other voices in my head whispers that if I could just get everything that needs done in a timely manner, I could enjoy that same sensation that I felt for the vacation week without anything I’d even need to feel guilty about. That’s not reality – I can picture in my mind’s eye the vision of me doing all of these chores – but I can’t find the motivation to actually do them. And, not having central air conditioning and relying on window units, it’s even more difficult to attack chores that are in uncooled rooms.
My vacations over the past many years, when I actually took a vacation, were always in January (the slowest month in hotel travelers) and always to visit Ocala, Florida, home where my parents had retired to. I’ve not actually ‘gone away’ (more than an occasional day trip to Lancaster County with my bestie, which doesn’t count because I lived there for 14 years before moving to where I am now) since my dad passed in 2015. I’ve been hesitant to take any real type of vacation, because my medical issues change daily in the amount that they impact me. But, I’m pretty sure I’m going to make return visits to “No Guilt Land” at least once a year. It was a great experience for me, and I’m hoping will be a teaching trip for me as well.
Oh, and I’m still on vacation quite a bit from the Internet and until I hit a reading slump, that may continue for a while. But I’ll pop up here whenever I have something to say, I promise!
I felt these words when I read them. Within these words I felt a sense of forgiveness of myself for not having the stamina and energy I used to have and forgiving myself for not getting done all of the things that need to be done so that I could relax without feeling guilty.
But I’m here. I’m showing up. I’m doing the best that I can. And sometimes the best that I can do is taking care of me to the exclusion of any- and everything else.
I had my first ever physical therapy a couple of years ago when I dislocated my shoulder. Although I am someone who is close to the edge of the spectrum to abhorring exercise, other than having to go out somewhere and be pleasant with intent, I didn’t really mind the 22 (of 24 approved) visits to therapy. Exercises were focused on my arm, so not extremely ‘active’.
This time, I am in physical therapy to deal with issues of balance and neuropathy. Since my broken jaw was a result of a traumatic fall – the second almost identical fall in under 2 years – I have been aware that I have become very timid about walking. For example, when I park my car at home, I automatically reach for my car for support before stepping up over the curb and onto the sidewalk to have something to hold on to in case I lose my balance. I’m the one holding onto the handle of a shopping cart whenever my bestie and I go shopping together. I can’t remember when the last time was where I could stand up from being seated without using my hands/arms to help push me up. My doctor and I have been talking about physical therapy since last autumn, but with other issues in the forefront, it hasn’t been something that’s been focused on until recently.
When I was at the doctor’s for my 3-month follow-up back in early February, the topic of physical therapy came up again and there were less other issues that pushed it back on the priority list. She gave me a referral for physical therapy (needed with my insurance). I brought the paper home, tacked it up on the bulletin board for safekeeping, and ignored it.
I really do not like to exercise! I remembered hating gym class back in high school, so I guess I’ve always not enjoyed it. And, with the increased excessive sweating over the last years (see https://wordpress.com/post/ramblingsandruminations.blog/5955 for reference), any kind of physical activity will make me break out in a sweat.
So here I am now, hiking 10 miles (about a 20-minute drive) to go to physical therapy twice a week (soon, hopefully, just once a week and then, hopefully, no times a week). And this is very different from my last physical therapy experience. This is 45 minutes of physical activity, done mostly on my feet, and usually at least twice during that time, I have to grab a tissue from my pocket and catch the drop of sweat trickling downward very close to my eye (sweat in the eyes burns like a son-of-a-gun!). I have intentionally forgone having my hair cut so that it is at least long enough to pull the back up into a short ponytail, which lifts it off my neck and allows the sweat that comes from those pores to evaporate in the air.
Yes, I am complaining – because I like being a hermit and because I hate sweating!!!!
Having said that, I am seeing some progress. I thought I was making great progress until I recently logged in online and read the therapist’s notes from each visit. I’m not only doing my home exercise program as instructed, but I’m making up additional ‘exercises’ to encourage my progress. He sees my progress being what it should be after 4 weeks, and I’ve improved well on each of the tests that he gave me at the first evaluation. The biggest thing for me is that I’ve regained my confidence. I had gotten to the point where I anticipated that every step I took could lead to a fall, and I was timid in my walking and holding on to something any time it was available. I mean, I wouldn’t even step off the curb into the street without my hand on my car to steady me.
Being me – someone who does not like exercise of any kind – I want all of this hard work to make me revert back to my old self where I walk with assurance and feel 100% confident in each step without thinking about it. I am much assured in walking and much more confident, but there are times when my foot won’t land as solidly as it needs to and I notice it as soon as I lift the other foot to take a step. When that happens, I really have to have an internal conversation about balance being something many people have difficulties with as they get older and remind myself that I am much better off than before PT, at least to the point where I am seldom afraid of falling. I guess I was hoping for a 100% recovery back to having 100% balance, and I’m beginning to think that is not going to happen.
Meanwhile, I pull up my big-girl panties and go to my appointments, and I do (some of) the home exercises I’m supposed to do. I even said something to my therapist about wanting to play the game of hopscotch, because that would make it necessary to me one-footed, even if it’s just for a moment. He got out some flat plastic discs and laid them on the floor in a hopscotch pattern, and I did 10 rounds of up and back. He has just knocked me down from 2 visits per week to one per week, and he insists I’m making great progress and may be out of PT by July.
So, fingers crossed, I will get out of this alive and better off. After what I went through with jaw surgery as a result of my last fall, I don’t know if I have the resilience to repeat that!
If you’ve got a moment, feel free to cross your fingers for me as well!
I’m hoping that my readers know what AFK stands for since it’s been around for quite a while, but just in case… AFK = Away From Keyboard.
By breaking up the whole story about my jaw into segments, and having some moments where my mind was racing with a thought that could flourish into a blog post with little prodding, I’ve been managing to schedule a blog post for every 10 days since the beginning of the year. June 4th, as I’m starting this post, is day 153 of the year so far for 2023. When I divide that by 10, that’s really only 15 posts in 5 months, which doesn’t seem like a lot. Nonetheless, it was nice to have a well of completed posts that I could schedule ahead to allow me to keep that schedule.
Sadly, that well has run dry. Oh, I have drafts of 6 or 7 posts started, popping the idea into a draft when it comes to my brain or is relevant to something in my life, but not a single one of them inspires me to sit down and just let the words flow from my brain through my fingertips.
With the return of warmer weather and the knowledge that “I Am a Sweater”, I will need to spend more time in my living room, which has a window air conditioner. My living room has a ceiling fan, and I was given a nice fan that sits on the floor but has a tilting head, and so far, that has been enough to keep me cool (except for the one day the temperature was forecast to be 90 degrees and it was already 80 degrees by 9 AM). I also have a window air conditioner in my bedroom, but only turn it on a little bit before bedtime and keep the door shut when I’m sleeping in there (plus a desk fan across the room on my dresser that is always turned on before I crawl into the bed, regardless of the weather!).
My second bedroom, which is use as an office/storage room, does not have any air conditioning. There is a ceiling fan in place, and I have an adjustable floor fan that I keep near my desk at desk height if it’s really hot. My routine has always been computer time with my coffee in the morning, so it’s coolest in this room then. But coolest does not mean cool, and so I don’t spend as much time at my computer in the warmer weather.
So, all of this to say that my posts may become more sporadic for the next few months, but that doesn’t mean I’ve gone anywhere. It just means that checking emails, paying bills and doing banking, and reading other blogs I follow will likely take up as much time as I’m willing to spend in this room.
I’ll be checking in, and if my muse has an urgent need to make herself heard, posts will be forthcoming, but please do not expect them with any regularity for the next few months. I plan to be spending time in my recliner in the air conditioned living room reading and then reading some more.
For all of you, stay cool, stay dry and stay healthy. I’ll see ya when I see ya!
Unless you’re a newer reader of my blog, you already know that I am passionate about this subject. In school, the 3 Rs were Reading, (W)Riting and (A)Rithmetic. In the ecological world, the 3 Rs are Reuse, Repurpose and Recycle. Repurposing something is my biggest weakness, as I don’t really have the creative gene that can pick up two (or more) used products having nothing in common and put them together to make a new, usable item. Perhaps that is why I was a loyal viewer of the TV show “Flea Market Flip”?
I do know of a few items that I am good at reusing, like plastic containers with lids that came filled with a grocery item (think whipped topping, cottage cheese, yogurt, etc.) The plastic containers are ideal for when I went to share something yummy I’ve made, because I don’t have to worry about a good container never being returned to me. I have a handful of large prescription medicine bottles for which I have a vague plan the next time I go through all of my craft stuff.
But, when it comes to recycling, I’d like to think of myself as a pro. I contacted our borough office to find out where I could find a list of what our trash company will consider for recycling. I printed out an 8-1/2 x 11 page from their website and hung it on our community bulletin board so all of the residents can see it. And while I’m not a dumpster diver in any sense of the word (we have large plastic cans, not a dumpster, anyhow), if I’m taking out trash and see that someone has put a recyclable item in the regular trash, if possible, I will retrieve it and put it in the correct bin.
This “rant” became needed by me to release some of the emotions related to a neighboring state recently banning all plastic bags at grocery stores and even convenience stores. The press release said this:
“Starting May 4, 2022, New Jersey retail stores, grocery stores and food service businesses may not provide or sell single-use plastic carryout bags and polystyrene foam food service products. Single-use paper carryout bags are allowed to be provided or sold, except by grocery stores equal to or larger than 2500 square feet, which may only provide or sell reusable carryout bags. After November 4, 2021, plastic straws may be provided only upon the request of the customer.”
I’m old enough to remember before plastic bags came to the forefront of ways to carry things. I worked in the local grocery store through high school and college breaks, and brown paper bags were all we used to bag groceries. They were great because they were sturdier so the bottom row in the bag could carry all canned goods. And did they get recycled? How many of you remember making book covers from them after the first week of school to cover all of your subject books? I remember enjoying this task. Not only did the books look cleaner and more uniform, but each of us could decorate or doodle upon those plain brown covers! Now, you can barely find a brown paper bag, because enough loud voices and politicians were concerned about depleting our forests by turning lumber into paper. Now we’ve reached another environmental quagmire because we replaced paper bags with plastic ones.
Now, let me tell you quickly that I am not opposed to this ban in any way! I’ve been using my reusable bags for a while now (though, on occasion, I’ve used a plastic bag if I have eggs and bread to keep them separate and lessen the chance of them becoming mashed and/or broken).
However, of all of the plastic out there that is not recyclable, it’s my belief that plastic store bags are 95% treated with reuse. Yes, some people just throw them away once they are empty, but most of us save them for reuse. Taking your dog for a walk means you need to carry a plastic bag along to clean up after any solid ‘dumps’, and a grocery bag is perfect for that chore. What if you don’t have that plastic bag? Those with a conscience will find another source of disposable plastic to perform as an alternative, and that same non-recyclable plastic will end up in the trash.
If you’ve walked the produce or meat aisle of a grocery store, you’ve most likely seen the mounted rolls of plastic bags to place your produce inside and/or your meat (in case it is sticky/leaking). These are also non-recyclable and end up in the trash. Plus, all of that meat that is wrapped with a plastic wrap on a Styrofoam tray involves two different products that are non-recyclable! And speaking of trash, what do we put our trash into when it’s an item to be discarded? Did I hear someone say, “a plastic bag”?
Remember a few years ago when all of the talk was about plastic straws, which are not recyclable? The servers at the diner I visit monthly to have lunch with my bestie still immediately place a paper wrapped plastic straw on the table for every cold drink that is ordered – even if it’s just a glass of water! Now, some people prefer a straw, but wouldn’t it be better not only for the environment but for the business’s bottom line if they only provided them upon request?
Also several years ago, there was this big mention of the amount of Styrofoam cups at all of the convenience stores and other coffee shops that are primarily driven by drive-thru and to-go business (and yes, Styrofoam is recyclable but the practice is complicated and therefore not done in the majority of recycling centers across the country, and it’s supposedly not very profitable to recycle). So, all of these companies switched to cardboard cups, and we applauded them. However, the lids and the stirrers that are used for to-go coffee are made of non-recyclable plastics!
And while I’m going to rant, why is recycling still a voluntary act instead of a mandatory one? And why is recycling strongly encouraged only at the residential level and not for businesses? How many plastic drink bottles are tossed in the trash in a large company’s break room? How many large empty detergent bottles are tossed in the trash in a laundromat? Stop at a convenience store because your oil light came on, bought a quart of oil and poured it in your car? Where is that plastic can going to end up? Oh, and since the invention of disposable diapers, how many diapers, absorbent material wrapped in plastic, are put in the trash daily across the country???
All of this is why, while I applaud New Jersey’s stance on plastic shopping bags, I don’t believe that it’s going to have as big of an effect as we need in order to save our planet from the damage we are doing to it even if the entire country made it a rule. That piece of plastic is just a small part of the plastic that we use every day without thought of how discarding it will have an effect.
The next time you go to the grocery store, walk every aisle, even if you don’t need anything from that aisle. See how many products you find that are packaged in non-recyclable materials. Think about all of the breads and buns in their plastic bags. Think about all of the meats, some with Styrofoam trays, some not, but all in some kind of plastic. Think about all of those frozen veggies in plastic bags. Then look in the non-food aisles. Things like toilet paper and paper towels are wrapped in plastic. Laundry detergent and some cleaners do come in recyclable bottles, but the caps and/or sprayer nozzles are not recyclable. And even though some foods come in glass containers, which are recyclable, the lids are not. In other words, the amount of waste that goes to a landfill will always be much greater than the amount of products that end up in a recycling bin. And recycling those products is still voluntary, and not everyone bothers.
Again, I don’t want to belittle New Jersey for its state-wide ban of plastic shopping bags, and maybe it made the news in my area because of our proximity to the state line, but I’m not sure it deserves any great fanfare to signal its achievement.
But it burns my biscuits (thanks, Kristian!) that there is so much more to be done and that this attempt, while well-intentioned, is like the proverbial ‘drop in a bucket’ to what needs to be done. And that’s just on OUR side! Government needs to step in and help recycling centers and end users of recycled products make it profitable to sustain both in their efforts. I recently saw a headline that only 9% of the products that are recyclable end up being use, while the other 91% sit, in large quantities, wrapped up in wire hoping that someone will have a need.
Snitched from Kristian’s blog!
Overall, there aren’t enough of us who care about the future of our planet to fight for recycling. I know that some people will recycle if it’s convenient, but not many go through the conscious effort to make a difference in how our waste is handled.
So, if you went out and planted a tree, or helped a group clean up an area where trash is thrown around, in honor of Earth Day, the planet thanks you. If you don’t avidly recycle, that thank you is rescinded.
Please, do what’s right, not just what’s convenient.
I spent a lot of time over the winter searching the Internet for new recipes to try. It’s not been an easy task, because there are some mole hills (and a few mountains!) in my way. With the inflation rate that’s occurred in the past months, I’m not willing to buy a specific spice or product I don’t use just in order to make a recipe that sounds interesting. Plus, my bestie is lactose intolerant, so anything with cheese or dairy isn’t something I can share with her. Her hubby has a gluten free and low sodium diet, so anything with either of those ingredients aren’t something he should have. And her adult son, while I wouldn’t call him a picky eater, has specific foods he likes and wants and is often unwilling to try something new. Fortunately, I discovered that my neighbor next door loves to bake but simply does not cook, so I’ve been using her as a guinea pig for some things I am trying for the first time.
I’ve closed the “test kitchen” for new recipes for the time being, unless I find something that is season appropriate for spring and summer. I haven’t been able to add a bunch of new recipes to my repertoire because of the reasons cited. While the few I did try didn’t result in any failures, there were also a few that became ‘one and done’ recipes simply because the finished product wasn’t something I could see myself enjoying on a regular basis.
Well, that’s not 100% accurate. I did experience a failure, two failures if you count the fact that I tried to make the same thing twice using two different recipes and both failed. I attempted, with two different recipes, to make suet for the suet feeders in the yard of Mr. and Mrs. Elderly next door. The birds always seem to migrate first to the suet if there is some. However, neither of the recipes would stay into a solid enough block, tending to become a bit sticky as soon as they were room temperature. So, I guess I’ll have to grab a tuppence and go find the bird lady out in Mary Poppins’ land. By the way, just for trivia’s sake, a tuppence is also known as twopence or, in American money, two pennies. (You’re welcome!)
On the other hand, I found a recipe that I liked so much that, once I tweaked it a little bit, I’ve made again already (and ate it for dinner four days in a row!)! I’m going to give you my tweaked version since I consider it to be better.
Potato and Corn Chowder
Ingredients: 8 ounces bacon, fried and chopped or crumbled 3 cups chicken stock 2 cans (14.5 oz.) creamed corn 1 can of white or yellow corn, drained 2-3 lbs. waxy yellow (or white) potatoes, cut into about 1 inch pieces 1 bunch chopped green onions or 1 tablespoon dried chives Pepper to taste
Instructions: In a large pot over medium heat, cook the bacon until crispy, about 8 minutes. Using a slotted spoon or tongs, remove the bacon and drain on a paper towel. Discard all but 3 tablespoons of the bacon fat from the pot.
Add the chicken stock, creamed corn, drained canned corn, potatoes and green onions/chives to the pot. Bring to a simmer over high heat. Then reduce the heat to medium low and continue to simmer until the potatoes are tender but not mushy, about 15 minutes. Add crumbled bacon.
Continue to simmer on low until broth reaches your desired consistency.
(The recipe suggested the option of topping with sour cream and/or shredded cheese, but I like it just plain.)
And then, in a social media group I belong to, someone provided a recipe for a candy that I remember around the winter holidays in my childhood. I knew I’d likely only make it once and give most of it away, since every ingredient (except the butter) was pretty much pure sugar. I simply wanted to see if the recipe was as easy as it sounded.
Nougat Candies
Ingredients: 2 tablespoons of butter 2 bags of mini marshmallows 2-1/2 cups of white chocolate chips 2 teaspoons of vanilla 2 cups (approx. 19-20 ounces) of Dots candies (or gumdrops) cut in half
Instructions: Begin melting white chocolate chips in a double boiler (or in the microwave in 30-second increments). When melted about 2/3rds of the way, add butter and marshmallows. Continue melting and stirring until everything is combined and creamy. Remove from heat source. Add vanilla and stir. Add in candies and stir to mix thoroughly. (Mixture will be quite thick.)
Spoon mixture into a parchment paper lined 9×13 pan. Smooth out as much as possible.
Chill in refrigerator over night. Remove from refrigerator, pull parchment paper and candy out of the pan, and place on cutting surface. Cut into bite-sized pieces with sharp knife. (If mixture gets too soft to cut sharply, return to fridge for 15-20 minutes to let it harden up again.)
Wrap each piece of candy into cut squares of waxed paper or candy papers to keep them from sticking together. Candies can be stored in the freezer.
Makes about 100 1×1-1/2 inch candies.
I was impressed how well these turned out!
Now, this next recipe I’m going to share is one I’ll never make again, since it makes 5 quarts and must be kept frozen. I honestly thought I didn’t have the recipe anymore, since it’s been at least 20 years since I’ve had it. But when I saw the recipe card with the name of it at the top, I could feel myself genuinely smile, because it brought back some very good memories. This recipe was made by my mom (and I have no idea where she got it) but it was something she made for weekends at Moyer’s Mountain Retreat (they had a permanent camp site there) and it was a delight when it was really hot and sticky in the summer. It also went down really easily, and we learned to leave some time between servings to avoid a reaction to its ingredients.
Slush
Ingredients 2 tea bags steeped in 2 cups of boiling water 12 ounce can of frozen lemonade, thawed 12 ounce can of frozen orange juice, thawed 7 cups of water 3 cups of any brand of whiskey (almost a fifth so go ahead and add the whole bottle!)
Instructions: Let tea bags steep in boiled water while mixing all of the other ingredients in a 5-quart plastic container (that has a lid). After 5 minutes of steeping, add steeped tea to mixture, stir again. Place lid on top and put in the freezer for 24 hours. To serve, spoon mixture into drinking vessel and, if desired, add a splash of any kind of lemon/lime soda.
Because of the alcohol, the mixture will not totally freeze, but make a ‘slush’ which is easy to spoon into your drinking vessel. Serve with a straw or a spoon so every drop can be enjoyed. And drink slowly! Not only is there a potential for a brain freeze, but the alcohol is tasteless in the mix and can put the drinker on his/her butt if imbibed too quickly! (And yes, I know this from first-hand experience!)
And I want to share with you what I had to research and learned as a result. Unless they are not available, I buy medium size eggs. I seldom cook breakfast (an occasional ‘breakfast for dinner’) and most of the recipes I make don’t include eggs, so I always end up having to hard-boil some eggs from the dozen before their expiration date. Well, recently, I had a recipe that called for one large egg. It was to bake something and I wasn’t sure how to make it work since I only had medium eggs. So here is what I learned:
one large egg = any other sized egg will work
two large eggs = three small, two medium, two extra-large, or two jumbo eggs
three large eggs = four small, three medium, three extra-large, or two jumbo eggs
four large eggs = five small, five medium, four extra-large, or three jumbo eggs
five large eggs = seven small, six medium, five extra-large, or five jumbo eggs
What is interesting to me is that egg “size” is not determined by visual appearance of the egg but by the total weight of a dozen eggs. Think about that for a moment. In a package of a dozen eggs, the given size is determined by the weight of all 12 eggs equaling a certain total. Here’s how that breaks down:
Jumbo: 30 oz. (about 2.5 oz. per egg)
Extra-large: 27 oz. (about 2.25 oz. per egg)
Large: 24 oz. (about 2 oz. per egg)
Medium: 21 oz. (about 1.75 oz. per egg)
Small: 18 oz. (about 1.5 oz. per egg)
So, if you really want to ensure that you’re using the correct amount of egg for a finicky recipe, like a custard, the only way to do so is to get a scale so that you can weigh each egg. For example, if the recipe calls for 3 large eggs, you need to weigh your eggs to equal 6 ounces. (I wonder how often one can get exactly 6 oz. worth of eggs?)
I don’t know what effect all of that has on the eggs, but it sure scrambles my brain!!! And at the current price of eggs, none of us wants to waste a single drop of them!
My final few sentences relate to French fries and salt. I recently saw a video from a man who claimed to have been a manager of a McDonald’s franchise for 23 years (Yes, I think that’s incredible, too!). Now that he has retired, he makes an occasional short video about tips and tricks he learned from the franchise over the years. McDonald’s, whom most of us will agree have the best French fries of the fast-food establishment, uses popcorn salt to season the fries when they are dumped into the hold basket fresh from the fryer! Popcorn salt is much more finely ground and sticks better than regular table salt. Who knew? Now I’m sure there are places that sell popcorn salt (my store didn’t have it with the spices or with the popcorn items) but popcorn salt is regular salt simply ground into an almost dust consistency and can be created using a food processor if you have one. And now you know!
I know the title is an odd question, and I’m 99.9999% sure that it is not. But there is a reason I ask that question.
Recently, I wrote a post called “Gratitude” based on the words shared by another blogger. Every now and then, I think about Marla’s concept, and still recognize it as being 100% true. Ask me what went wrong today (or any given day) and I don’t have to think long and hard before giving a list of things. Ask me what went right today (again, or any given day) and I need a moment to consciously look back to see if I can remember anything outstanding in that day that was awesome or filled me with joy, happiness, peace and/or contentment. Why is that?
There is some reason that many (most?) of us are more easily in touch with negative emotions than positive ones. I can easily look backwards to my parents and to my parents’ parents and not remember a time when there was an expression of true spontaneous joy, happiness, peace and/or contentment. Which is not to say that there weren’t momentary expressions of happiness – a good joke always deserved a good laugh, a much-desired wish list present at Christmas brought momentary joy, happiness and appreciation. But those are random moments, spontaneous and short-lasting. Think about it. That joke you laughed so hard at is likely one whose punchline you won’t recall tomorrow.
‘Experts’ call it negativity bias and define it as the psychological phenomenon by which humans pay more attention to and give more weight to negative rather than positive experiences or other kinds of information. Those same experts state that this negativity bias comes from our environment, handed down from the time when man and animal roamed the same land and lived in the same caves, making it necessary for humans to always be alert to potential threats around them. To me, it simply seems to imply that negativity is within our comfort zone and positivity requires us to move out of our comfort zone. But at least that theory might explain why we’re so comfortable in that negativity zone.
In my reading and researching about this pattern, this is some of the information I was given: Research suggests that this negativity bias starts to emerge in infancy. Very young infants tend to pay greater attention to positive facial expression and tone of voice, but this begins to shift as they near one year of age. Brain studies indicate that around this time, babies begin to experience greater brain responses to negative stimuli. This suggests that the brain’s negative bias emerges during the latter half of a child’s first year of life. There is some evidence that the bias may actually start even earlier in development.
Researchers also believe that we are all equipped with something called a negativity bias. The negativity bias is our tendency not only to register negative stimuli more readily but also to dwell on these events. Also known as positive-negative asymmetry, this negativity bias means that we feel the sting of a rebuke more powerfully than we feel the joy of praise. Therefore, as humans, we tend to remember traumatic experiences better than positive ones, recall insults better than praise, react more strongly to negative stimuli, think about negative things more frequently than positive ones. Using myself as an example, I can admit to being exactly that person.
But there is another phenomenon that I think might be in play here. When something is traumatic to us and we share it with a loved one, while we may not get the nurturing we really want, we at least get some sense of sympathy from the person we are sharing with. But sometimes, when we share something of a positive nature, those same loved ones may tend to play it down to not really being anything to be joyous about. I’ve had occasion where I’ve wanted to do something nice to help someone out and was told, “Don’t bother, it won’t be appreciated.” In another instance, I was sharing something that was said to me that brought me a sense of happiness and was told, “Are you sure he/she meant it that way?” In both of those situations, the joy I was – or could be – feeling was negated by someone I trusted to have my well-being at heart. And while I could look upon those situations and realize that neither time were those comments made to hurt me, nonetheless they took the wind out of my sails.
Some scientists believe that, while perhaps not genetic, our brains are an integral part of how we process negative and positive stimuli. Studies that involve measuring event-related brain potentials (ERPs), which show the brain’s response to specific sensory, cognitive, or motor stimuli, have shown that negative stimuli elicit a larger brain response than positive ones. Because negative information causes a surge in activity in a critical information processing area of the brain, our behaviors and attitudes tend to be shaped more powerfully by bad news, experiences, and information.
Then, of course, the psychologists step in and suggest that the same brain that concentrates more on negative stimuli can also be retrained to change our thinking and fight against the tendency towards negative thinking. I can’t argue that point, but here is my general thought on it. We all know in our hearts that, if we want to change something about ourselves enough, we will put the energy into retraining our brains. Ask my best friend, who dropped over 100 pounds (slowly) and is keeping it off, not with any help from well-known diet systems, but through self-discipline and wanting to be thin more than she wanted that piece of bread that came with her meal.
We talk some about so many of the kids today having a strong sense of entitlement and we discredit the parents who give their kids what they ask for, who feel it’s more important for their kids to “like them” than to practice discipline as needed and appropriate punishment if required. But don’t we all have a sense of entitlement, if only realizing that we want the things we want to have to be easy to get, to not require time, energy, sweat, hard work and commitment in order to achieve the end results we seek. Do we, consciously or subconsciously, choose to live in the negativity simply because it requires so much from us to move forward to positivity?
I believe that is true for me. I focused on personal growth as a priority from my mid-40s to my late 50s. I was reading countless ‘self-help’ books, attending at least one seminar a month that would offer me insights on where and how I needed to grow. I was surrounding myself 95% of the time with peers who possessed a trait or attitude that I wanted to gain, hoping I could watch and emulate.
This whole subject is even more actively tickling my brain because two different bloggers have recently posted what I will choose to call “mantras” about how to be positive instead of negative. It seems like, without the threats that cave men faced, we should be able to train our brains in the same way in which they were trained to think negatively. Then again, we have threats in current times – perhaps not by large animals roaming the earth, but by humans threatening other humans. Anyhow, these are the two “mantras” I read recently:
I’ve made print copies of both of these and they are both attached to my refrigerator. I’ve been making myself stop to read each one of them at least once a day, though I suspect I’ll soon be able to look at them and be understanding of the concept without reading the words. I’m hoping this will be the start of changing my habit of thinking negatively (and it’s a strong one!) to thinking positively. Maybe it will work for you, too!
Ramblings and Ruminations 